Depression Support Group
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I am just wondering if I made the right decision. I am hosting a party later. It is my birthday and a couple of friends' birthdays, all in one week. So we are doing something jointly. I have hung out with most of these people for about the past five years. I am not really good friends with all of them, but we have a good time together.
Rewind back five years. I was leery about going back to church. I attempted to try it again after ten years or so. When I did, I felt like I kind of ran into the same thing again. I joined the singles group, thought I was making some friends. Well, all this drama started. The roomate I was renting to ran out and got really angry at me, and then a couple of the other ladies got really mad at me because they were not included in a minor get together. It put me off. I can see their point and maybe I messed up a bit, but I felt like a much bigger deal was made of of everything than was warranted. Effectively this blew up and I didn't get return phone calls and all of that. I apologized for whatever horrendous thing I did, it didn't seem to work, so I moved on.
Fast forward five years. Quit the religious crowd and have been hanging with totally different people. Lot more fun, lot less bullshit. Some partying and drinking but nothing dangerous. Now, through round about circumstances fences are sort of mended with the church people, and they are calling me again, it's all good....but....I am not sure I really want to mix my two groups anymore.
Why? Because I am ok to say welcome back, however, I see some fundamental differences in attitudes, life, etc, between my crowd and my life and them. What are they? Well, some of them, not all, participate in therapy through church, which I am all for...but...they bring it everywhere. Today one of the church events overlapped with my party. I thought of inviting my two friends, but then remembered, they might bring the others, the ones who talk about their newfound therapy with zeal like it's from God. I don't want that going on at my party where it's time to kick back and relax. I don't want proselytizing going on, or bull about the meaning of life and relationships when we are just trying to have fun. I have a fear if too many of the ppl get invited it would just been really uncomfortable. This crowd is almost by definition a non-religious crowd. I just foresaw trouble. I could see some of them bitching about being at a bar or being critical...maybe I was wrong but that is what I foresaw happening. So they won't be there. I wonder in the back of my mind if they will be offended. Would I eventually have to choose? I don't know. I guess my thought is...where the hell were you for five years? It wasn't that bad of a disagreement...so did you really care about me that much in the first place?
Rewind back five years. I was leery about going back to church. I attempted to try it again after ten years or so. When I did, I felt like I kind of ran into the same thing again. I joined the singles group, thought I was making some friends. Well, all this drama started. The roomate I was renting to ran out and got really angry at me, and then a couple of the other ladies got really mad at me because they were not included in a minor get together. It put me off. I can see their point and maybe I messed up a bit, but I felt like a much bigger deal was made of of everything than was warranted. Effectively this blew up and I didn't get return phone calls and all of that. I apologized for whatever horrendous thing I did, it didn't seem to work, so I moved on.
Fast forward five years. Quit the religious crowd and have been hanging with totally different people. Lot more fun, lot less bullshit. Some partying and drinking but nothing dangerous. Now, through round about circumstances fences are sort of mended with the church people, and they are calling me again, it's all good....but....I am not sure I really want to mix my two groups anymore.
Why? Because I am ok to say welcome back, however, I see some fundamental differences in attitudes, life, etc, between my crowd and my life and them. What are they? Well, some of them, not all, participate in therapy through church, which I am all for...but...they bring it everywhere. Today one of the church events overlapped with my party. I thought of inviting my two friends, but then remembered, they might bring the others, the ones who talk about their newfound therapy with zeal like it's from God. I don't want that going on at my party where it's time to kick back and relax. I don't want proselytizing going on, or bull about the meaning of life and relationships when we are just trying to have fun. I have a fear if too many of the ppl get invited it would just been really uncomfortable. This crowd is almost by definition a non-religious crowd. I just foresaw trouble. I could see some of them bitching about being at a bar or being critical...maybe I was wrong but that is what I foresaw happening. So they won't be there. I wonder in the back of my mind if they will be offended. Would I eventually have to choose? I don't know. I guess my thought is...where the hell were you for five years? It wasn't that bad of a disagreement...so did you really care about me that much in the first place?
Also please remember that 'church folk' are also human. They can sometimes be more judgmental for some reason that I have not figured out (I am a church folk by the way!), but they all mess up too. Any of them that says that they do not are lying! (Lying, over eating, etc) So what if a friend talks about going to a bar? And if someone starts going a little to bible crazy just change the subject. Making a joke out of it sometimes works.
I do hope that you have or find a really good friend and not have to even worry about all this drama again. At least not with the true ones.
Is there any sign that those church people have changed their attitude? Or are they out there ready to start another drama and do the same thing, and this time on your birthday? I'm quite sure you don't want unnecessary drama to be what you want to remember your birthday for.
Furthermore, if these church people have a problem with people you hang out with, then they don't seem to have a realistic idea of who you are. If they don't like the friends you have fun with then the don't seem to be the kind of people that want to hang out with you.
You cannot please everyone, especially people who already have shown that they can create drama from a simple conflict. HAVE FUN. It's your birthday. Don't lose focus of what this event is about.