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Recently my partner left me and our baby as his only love in life was alcohol. It's hurt me deeply and I constantly feel like I was never good enough, I always tried to make the relationship work and i stuck by him even when he hurt me. I cannot understand why he did this. Upon becoming a single mother I'm finding it hard to move on in life and I struggle a lot, with my baby and myself. The way I was treat in my relationship I lost all my confidence as I never felt good enough, when I had my baby I realised I was suffering from PND, I found most days hard to get out of bed and cried almost all the time but in secret. I never got much help from my ex as he was still heavily drinking and night feeds he was passed out so I had no choice but was awake all night with our son. Now I'm on my own with my baby I'm giving everything I have to him and I'm not doing simple things like showering or sleeping, I also have ate a single thing for a week. I realise this is mostly because of what my ex did with leaving us. I cannot understand why he is so selfish.
my problem now is getting my mind healed. I keep having awful thoughts about hurting myself and running away from my home. I have had some other serious thoughts but haven't reacted on them. I'll do anything for my baby but I feel as if I'm not strong enough. My mum (who has cancer) revealed she is getting more tests done and that dragged me futher into my depression. All I needed was my partner to get better and then help me but I need to realise he was very selfish and did not care. His parents bombard me with texts about the baby and demands to see him, it's too much for me. How do I move on in life now and provide the best for my son and myself?
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... observed a solar eclipse.
I want you to view a situation where the alcoholic dad is correct, and it really is the loyal mom's fault - tell me where you would find yourself saying that about a couple. If the answer is you wouldn't, then why would you apply that flawed and incorrect conclusion to yourself?
In a situation such as yours, the mind for wanting to harm itself draws 2 reasons for justifying it: 1: it blames itself for why what's happening is happening, thinking you somehow caused it or 2: maybe you don't blame yourself but you don't see any light at the end of this tunnel and so you feel doomed to a horrible fate no matter what you do here.
The 1st thing you need to do is realize that you've been successfully protecting your son. You did that. Not the drunk, not the drunk's family, you are the reason your son is healthy. Accept that fact because it is 100% true. At the same time you also need to make sure you're healthy as well. That means a simple truth: who the hell cares what the drunk wants, who the hell cares what the drunk's family wants. They don't matter, what they want doesn't matter, and none of their noise is worth a single dose of stress against your mind.
Why aren't they worth causing you stress? I'll tell you why. Because you're the one creating solutions and working towards a happy life for your son. Are they? Is the drunk doing so? Is his family doing so? Or is their contribution nothing more than bitching, accusing, and demanding? Who can't bitch or accuse or demand? It doesn't take effort.
You're a kickass momma bear who is withholding her paws from the vultures circling because if you did unleash your claws they'd be sorry they ever started complaining about how much you do for your son that not a single one of them has ever done. And maybe your claws coming out against them would set them straight.
Either way what we know as fact is that you're doing, and them? They're not doing, they're just complaining, which literally anyone can do. Set yourself apart, and allow yourself to acknowledge the credit as a mom you've clearly earned. When it's time to say shut up, to ingrate non-contributing complainers, you are well within your justification to do so. Your son matters, everyone outside of that who tries to harm you, does not.
time.
First, ... my OPINION. Your enemy is HIS alcoholism. It has put you in the situation you are in. Not your fault, but fault doesn't matter. You are 'in the situation you are in. Be glad he is gone .... and do what you can to stay away from him.
The following is what I want you to know about. It is a real life story. Woman married and had a child with her husband. Over time, they separated and divorced. He makes a LOT of money and comes from a wealthy family. She maintained custody for about 7 years because he traveled a lot in his job. Then, he met someone and married again. His new wife hated his first wife and convinced him to take the child from her birth mother. To make a long story short, that is just what they did, ... through lies and connivance. They have had the child EXCLUSIVELY for about 3 years now. The Mother is almost homeless, has spent $60,000 in legal fees, and is not even close to regaining custody. This is because with his money, he has the best lawyers and unlimited funds. I know this Mother and she is innocent of EVERYTHING, but they have convinced the court she is not a fit Mother and have 'kidnapped' the child from the Mother.. There may be no end to her situation.
Sooooo, in my opinion, you need to seek counseling and therapy for your state of mind. If you are suffering 'devastation', you COULD lose your child ... depending on what he may decide to do in the future. Get your head on straight and be able to show a court you are a perfect parent.
He is probably too selfish, stupid, and drunk to realize what he can possibly do, and maybe has no desire to do anything, but it could happen at any time. However, his PARENTS just may 'go for it'.
Get that mental health help .... so that you can do the best job of Mothering that you can.
Good luck to you, and I am sorry this 'man' failed as one.
Talk to someone you can trust. Feel free to post here anytime. We are here for you. I hope you will get the help you need and you will feel better soon. Praying for you for peace and things will go well for you. Take care.