I hope that you don't take your thoughts seriously. We are not our thoughts or feelings. I myself am having a very discerning and difficult day and those thoughts crossed my mind. Briefly. I try to stay out of my thoughts and let them pass like storm clouds blotting out the sunlight of the spirit. I hope that you will soon be feeling better... respectfully
David

I'm trying to not too but they have been getting powerful lately. I've started therapy and meds just waiting for them to work. In my mind death is the easiest way to get out.

I have been living with these those kind of thoughts for years. It's not easy but I'm glad I'm still here.
Always remember that that's exactly what you said they are "Thoughts" and try to kick those thoughts out of your head. I know the phrase easier said than done, believe you me. But, the more you try to kick them thoughts out the quicker those thoughts lose their power and one day hopefully the kicking out process becomes an automatic reaction to all negative thoughts for you. You Matter

Thoughts are just thoughts. They can't hurt you. Ultimately you should probably try to be replacing those fantasies with something else, because fixating on death really doesn't help the situation, but I don't think you need to push the thoughts away violently or be disappointed in yourself for having the thoughts in the first place. They are your thoughts, so own them. Maybe it is terrible advice, but I let myself think through the whole thing when a thought like that occurs to me. If I can plan it all out in detail in my brain I find it somewhat easy to just let it go and walk away from it. If I try in vain to push it away or ignore it the thought just hangs out there in my head half formed all day begging my attention over and over again.

I'm glad you're getting help. I hope you start to feel a change soon. Hugs!

Sometimes it will feel worse before it feels better with meds. But just try to have someone with you. Or watch a movie, read a book. Call a crisis hotline. I feel this way a lot lately. I am waiting for meds to kick in (again) as well. I am so angry that I need them, that there is no other solution, but I know I need to stay alive for my family.