Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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lacymenzies 02/29/2016

I wonder what my life means some days. Why I work so hard and does it even matter. I fight with others about boundaries as they push in upon me. I am not a child. I am a 53 year old women. I say these things out loud and I am embarrassed. I have so much to be thankful for. And yet I feel so out of control. I need to be validated...but why? Who do I want validated by and why do I need this? What am I fighting for? I get absorbed in my family and find myself trying to parent grandchildren, and adult children that do not want parented....I absorb myself into work, and all of sudden they are on the phone with crisis. Or I miss them so much I want to cry. Don't they need me? Don't I have all the correct answers for my children and grandchildren. I know better then that....but I can't help but fight these feelings and the desire to be needed and wanted. For work I can't read fast enough. I can't study long enough. I cant catch up. I should of started all this when I was much younger. I have had the best of many worlds and sometimes I also feel like I blew it by not starting this decades ago.

bridgie101 02/29/2016

Hang on in there. At some point your maturity will overtake everything else and you will start to streak ahead at work. It will take time but it will start to happen for you in a couple of years.

the kids? just keep on keeping on. Nothing can replace mum. There's an old saying: parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth. It's painful. :) But they will always love you even if they do chew bits off you now and again! They'll have phases and stages, just relax and let time be your friend.

ThePepperMan 02/29/2016

Find your balance. Somewhere between parenting your grandchildren and just being there sounds like a good target to aim for.

Gentle hugs

klwd 02/29/2016

Hi sweetie. I am the other end of your questions. I'm a 32 year old daughter with babies of my own. I wonder why it is I put all of my excess stresses and strains on my mum, and then I read your post. She needs us like I need her, if the same way but so different. You need your children and your beautiful grandchildren but believe me they need you as much, if not more, than you will ever know. I promise. That's coming from a daughter that still gets parented and rightly so xx

survivor69 02/29/2016

AT LEAST U R WILLING U HAVE ALOT 2 B THANKFUL 4.
THAT IS A START, SWEETIE.
GBU
DRENA B
;-O

Heidiclark 03/01/2016

It sounds like the boundry issues are happening with other adults, not your children or grandchildren, is that right? Also we all need to be needed and validated. But if you're looking for it from your kids or grandkids then you might now always get it. My 17 year old doesn't tell me he loves me or tell me I am a good mom. I Usually have to hear that from my husband or I have to tell myself that I am important to my son.
Kids learn what is modeled for them. If they are validated then they are more likely to do the same for others, but often times not until they are older and are not so self-absorbed.

Are you in therapy? That might be helpful and a plae to get the validation you are looking for.

heatherhurts 03/02/2016

Gratitude is a good attitude. I list 5 things I am grateful for each day. It helps me with my stinking thinking.

Try to take it easy on others as well as yourself. We all need a break.

Good luck on journey.

Desigol1979 03/03/2016

It's hard to get out of such a funk. But one can no longer play the victim.

lacymenzies 03/04/2016

I am not a victim. I am a survivor. But I have the right to my feelings and my experiences. I do not appreciated being called a victim. I am in my last year of a dual major in my Masters Degree. I have given birth to six children, had step children, and adopted children that have FAS, autism and schizophrenia. I work full time and I am on here to be heard. To talk things out. To talk when no one else will listen. I am not a victim. Do no call me one. This is the first tie I have dared to talk about these things in 30 years. Don't shut me up now.

ThePepperMan 03/04/2016

Wow, you are one very busy person! When do you get your dual degrees?

vanillabeane 03/04/2016

Is there a way to give validation to yourself instead of depending on it so much from external sources? I say this because I've grown up relying on validation from others, and I knew I had to change that as I would become miserable when I wasn't receiving it. When we rely on outside sources, we lose our power. I'm almost 45 years old, and it took me over 40 years to finally realize I had to give myself the validation I need. I still struggle with this, but I'm more aware of it now.
It's really hard to admit our children are independent and no longer need our help like they used to. Our identities change as we are no longer the primary caregivers in their life, and we take on a different role. I have a 24 year old daughter I"m learning about this with. She usually only calls when she needs something, and then I dont hear from her for a while. So I have to put my focus elsewhere and let her go, let her be the adult she's meant to be.

vanillabeane 03/04/2016

I'm curious as to why being called a victim triggers you? I'm nowhere near agreeing that you are a victim, but you seem pretty upset to be slapped with that label. What does being a victim mean to you?

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