Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
It seems the harder I try the further down I sink. I do make responsible plans, but somehow something happens to interrupt them. It is like I am cursed.
It disappoints me; makes me angry. I have to regroup, start over, and escape.. then make things worse. I fear if I did not run away from these events I may consider harming my self.
It disappoints me; makes me angry. I have to regroup, start over, and escape.. then make things worse. I fear if I did not run away from these events I may consider harming my self.
...at what?
>> I do make responsible plans...but... It is like I am cursed.
If you believe we are created beings, or even if not, you might ponder whether our Maker would actually do that. The only thing I can prove here is that my own very-best efforts had always failed (and still would) and that today I have been shown a new way that does not.
>> I have to regroup, start over, and escape.. then make things worse.
Exactly. I used to call that "Busted and disgusted", but other people call it "sick of being tired and tired of being sick" or whatever.
>> I fear if I did not run away from these events I may consider harming my self.
Suicide is just an illusion, not an actual escape.
is......?
There is actually nothing new about it although it was quite new to me even after having been raised in a rather conservative religious setting. But today, and rather than trying at all to prove myself even if only to myself in any kind of way, I have admitted complete defeat...and I now let the proof speak for itself that my way was just not working. You might or might not be willing or "ready" or whatever to do the same -- many people never get there -- but that is where it all begins.
Why keep trying?
What is kicking my butt right now is my budget.
Now just is not the time. I have persona and professional goals in life. I really want to go kayaking but can't now. But I know that I will one day. Hold on to the idea that you know you can overcome your fear and depression and take it a step at a time.
Exactly, and I say that as ultimately learned the hard way...by trying! I repeatedly tried getting up and scurrying away for yet another "geographical cure" somewhere, but I had to take me along every time. I tried "pulling myself up by the bootstraps" a few times, then began realizing I was the one tipping my own nose back into the mud. Nevertheless, I was still determined to just keep right on trying to fight my way forward until I had become irreversibly certain I either could or would never win, and that is where I finally gave up at 31. I have heard people say the only true "loser" is one who quits to early, but I would guess you know which hand fills more quickly while mere hoping and wishing in the other.
In my own case, I took the Twelve Steps of A.A., and I took them "straight from the book" rather than in any convoluted manner of my own. The Steps are *not* just for alcoholics, so that would not even be an issue either way if you might want to take a closer look:
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt5.pdf
I am trying to rely on the Serenity Prayer, but I am weak and impatient.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever and ever in the next. Amen.
Turn that around and apply yourself to them and success is guaranteed! Philosophers and such try to think their ways into new living, but this is about living our ways into new thinking. It is the action we take in spite of or even quite against our own thinking that gives us opportunities to investigate and discover actual truths from personal experience rather than still foolishly trying to make something happen. I had only one question a little over thirty years ago: "What do I have to do?"
The book I mentioned answers that question quite clearly and specifically: "We shall tell you what we have done."
I have no one. Nothing.
BECAUSE JESUS WANTS U 2.............................
RELY ON HIM 4 SUPPORT.............................
GBU
DRENA B
;-]
I have not ever needed any encouragement from anyone. I was the one who wanted something new, and I was the one willing to do whatever would be needed to attain it. Besides, encouragement is for people who might only need just a little bump or jump-start or whatever to get going again and I had no such delusion in relation to myself.
I was 31 and I knew I had to find help or else my two young daughters I had abandoned would likely soon be attending the funeral of the drunken father they had never even really known. The thought of having left that kind of thing behind me was maddening.