Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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KoKoah 10/20/2012

I feel that everything about my life is pointless other than one thing and that's the two people in my life who care about me. One of my kids, and my Brother to a lesser extent. Everyone else will be fine without me. My Mom will be upset, but she is miserable regardless. And my other kid might love me, but I don't think he likes me. It's hard for him to understand that someone could be so depressed that they can't work. (or function for that matter) He (And I'm sure his Brother) has lost all respect for me. Thinks I should just go get a job and quit being a loser. I don't blame him, I know how it looks from the outside. I know what the world view is on someone like me. I am everything society hates. Just "free-loading off of the government" I contribute NOTHING to society, let alone my kids or anyone else. I truly am the walking dead. For the past five years or so I have pretty much been a Hermit. I only leave my house when I have to. I take meds that pretty much just keep me numb to everything. While I am on them I can't function because they take away any and all motivation to do anything other than sleep as much as I can. When I try to go off of them I start to rage, and can't get passed the with drawls long enough to really be free from them, I always go back on to stop the hell of trying to go off. I have tried more meds than anyone I know. Nothing helps anymore. 18 shock treatments just make things worse, So I just stick to the mind numbing stuff. I don't want to be alive, but I can't even get motivated enough to kill myself. I am in this state of Anhedonia. Which is worse than the most extreme sadness. The only reason I'm writing this is to vent I guess. It's not to get advise because I already know what people will say, and I don't need to hear about how much I have to live for. The only thing I have to live for is not making a couple people feel bad. That's it. I died five years ago, My body just kept going that's all. And like all "Zombies" No good can come from me. I hope no one can relate to this, if you can, I'm sorry. That's all I can really say.

gramybear 10/20/2012

It sounds like you are assuming what your kids think. I was wondering if you have sat down with them and explained exactly what you go through and that you just need them to understand what you go through. Maybe going to a therapist that deals a lot with depressed people and take your children with you so they can understand it better. It is so hard for people that don't get depressed, to understand.
I hope you can work this out with your kids, they are so important, and I know they love you.

ScaredandScarred 10/20/2012

Have you considered talking to your Dr about gradually decreasing the dose so that you are not so zoned out?
Being depressed is something that people cannot see and so they assume. Have you written to your children, explained what it is really like for you, maybe through communication you can change their opinion

Please consider talking to your healthcare professionals and to a therapist

xx

KoKoah 10/28/2012

Thanks guys. Although my kids can see that I'm not functioning, I never leave my house and spend more time in bed than not. They have always known that I suffer from depression, have been in and out of hospitals...and all the rest of it. I have never really sat them down and talked to them about it. I always thought I would talk to them when they got old enough to understand, but never talking about things became a habit. My "issues" just became something we never really talk about. I wanted to protect them, so I would minimize everything. Say things like "I'm just going to the hospital for a med adjustment" Not "I want to blow my head off" Looking at it now I think...How could we skirt around something so detrimental to the way we lived? I have made this bed and I wish I could "unmake" it, but I can't. I just don't see any hope for the future at all. I can't see past tomorrow. I feel like I have done enough harm to both me and my kids.

deleted_user 10/28/2012

Have you tried talking to a therapist? I know how much therapy has helped me. Just having someone to listen and maybe offer some suggestions on how to make things better. I agree with gramybear, you are assuming what your kids think. One thing I was taught, if you assume you "make an @$$ out of you and me." I know you don't want to do that. Try to force yourself out of the house to a therapy appointment. It really can help.

Annie

deleted_user 10/28/2012

Have you ever been prescribed Adderall? I ask because I never took any medicine in my life for anything. I'm getting older and my mind is slowing down. I began being extremely depressed for several years. Now I take Adderall and it helps me feel wide awake and then I get relaxed and then I get in the mood to do stuff, including going out of my shell emotionally and physically and meeting people. I really really wish you can find a miraculous healing of some kind. A new friend. A new interest. The right medicine. I know how hopelessness feels and how impossible it feels, but in my case Adderall is helping tremendously. Good luck, and God Bless.

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