Tonight I feel desperately alone. I have had some victories lately, but I just feel like no matter what happens, I keep sinking back into this depression. I hate it. I hate being alone. I hate feeling like I can't be understood or loved. I know it's a lie, in my mind. But my heart feels wounded, ugly and unloveable. I want to trust the Lord and in His perfect plan and timing, but I don't know how. I feel hopeless, helpless. Physical pain doesn't help. Yesterday I went to the ER because of massive amounts of pain in my arm, due to what I now know is cervical radiculopathy. I'm just so frustrated and angry. I don't want to hurt like this. I don't want to miss out on the things I love because of stupid pain like this, pain that's now affecting my daily life.

I know all of the stupid cliche things, like it takes time to heal, and this is just a season. But it's happening. It's real. And I hate it. And I hate that I feel so desperately alone.

Please pray for me. I don't know what else I can do. Nothing, really, except wait and pray. I just want this desperation to end. I am by no means considering taking my own life, so please don't worry about that. Just please, pray for me.