Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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angelite 10/10/2008

i posted the following earlier and appreciate the help i got, but i really still need different viewpoints... please! i have been through something similar before, and i am really breaking down now sure how i will react if it happens again......

ok, so i need a little insight from someone other than myself.

my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years, living together for a little over a year. we have had to deal with some things outside from us (death in the family, my getting fired from my work) that we pulled through and supported each other great. we don't constantly fight, occasionally there will be a disagreement, but most relationships have those and should.

we share a bank account, have bought a vehicle together, share bills, have pets whom we love. we laugh and play, cuddle on the couch every night, have a good sex life.... we're practically married in every way.

my boyfriend tells me last night he is not happy, hasn't been for a couple months, and doesn't know why. he is not sure if we are only together due to financial security or if we really want to be. i'm confused, because to me i thought we're terrific. i could honestly see us spending our lives together. we have common opinions, goals, work ethic, humor.... he says at this moment he couldn't see us married, so why continue... though 6-8 months ago he said he could see us being married.

i just don't want him to give up like that, especially when we essentially have a good thing going. he agreed to try and see things through, but i don't know how committed he is to that.

what is going on? my past relationship ended in a situation extremely similar to this.... so what am i doing wrong? what is he thinking?

deleted_user 10/10/2008

make him happy

deleted_user 10/10/2008

I have no idea; unless he communicates better with you then you can't know. Ask; open up those dialogues.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

Well, I think it is the best way to find out...now before the marriage, and before the children....sometimes, time apart is eye opening....yes it is heart breaking, but still, eye opening..... I think you need to have a good year of space between yourself and another serious relationship, so you do not fall back into what feels comfortable, and then you might be able to get to know you!! and find the person you are truly ment to spend your life with....

Good luck and I hope you both find what you are looking for.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

I don't know what he is thinking. Maybe he's scared of the final commitment? Or maybe he's ready to end it and is hoping you'll be the one to do it so he doesn't look like the bad guy. It's hard to say. If he says he'll work on it but doesn't really seem like he's trying, then maybe he's not the one for you. I believe everything happens for a reason and if he's not the one for you, then he's just another stepping stone to the one that is. Good luck... I don't know if that was helpful or not, but I do hope things work out the best for you.
*hugs*

deleted_user 10/10/2008

There has to be a reason for him to feel this way. Open up and ask him why he is feeling this way. There could be something going on with him that you are unaware of and until he lets you in, you cannot know how to help him.

angelite 10/10/2008

i ask him if there is another person, he says no. i ask him what aspect of our relation he has not been happy with, he says he doesn't know. i asked what has changed, and he says nothing, it is just a feeling he started having. he says he still loves me. he says he still has fun with me. he says he still enjoys waking up with me and coming home to me each day - but he is not happy? we have outside friends and interests. other than him telling me this, things seem fine to me.

he seems adamant that if he thought breaking up is the solution he would do it.... but he hasn't done it and says he is not sure he wants to.

i DO NOT jump into relationships easily - it is very hard to win me over even for a date. i have only been in love once before where i 100% gave my heart, and it ended for no reason other than them "not being happy" too - at the same time frame in the relationship. our actual relationship was fine.

i honestly do not think i can do this again... i literally will sink in a hole by myself and not love anyone as long as i live because i cannot take this pain along with the depression i have always had.

i want kids. i want love. i want a family -- i feel like it is impossible and not meant to be for me.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

i agree..you probably need to ask. say something similar to what you said here pointing out what you've worked through and the positives that you see and ask what, exactly, sees...just an opinion

angelite 10/10/2008

we have talked about it.... at great length, for hours.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

When something like this comes up my first question is have there been signs that you have not been paying attention to? Beyond that, at a point you can ask him to try but if he is ready to let go of the relationship then its best to let him as you can't make him hang on and it will only cause more pain in the end. The cliche about letting love go is a good one in this instance. Sometimes as painful as it is a relationship ends long before we are willing to see it.. Numbers offers some very good advice.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

He's not being specific at all, thats really unfair to have you worried this way. Does he mean he's been depressed? I dunno, I could say something cliche like spice up the relationship but from what you've written, he's the one who needs to make more effort.

angelite 10/10/2008

i can't do this again..
i can't..... i think i would seriously have to be put in a hjospital

i want therapy - can't afford it. i make too much for financial assistance, but i am so in debt i don't have the spare moeny.

angelite 10/10/2008

i literally have no friends.... they have all moved away. i have no where to go. i can;t go to my parents because i have a great job i can't give up. my life would then literally be worthless.

angelite 10/10/2008

please, everyone.... anyone.... i need support right now

deleted_user 10/10/2008

Talk to your boyfriend.. men can be untactful in their words. Maybe things are not as bad as they seem, you can't know until you get him to be more verbal.

deleted_user 10/10/2008

Oh angel, my heart goes out to you. I can just imagine how torn your heart is. I think not knowing why a relationship is ending is way harder sometimes than if there is a specific reason. Maybe it isn't u at all. It could be something someone said to him about being in a relationship, maybe he is feeling tied down, but knows in his heart it is a temporary feeling. I don't know why else he would stay and say positive things like he likes waking up with u. I think the fact that he came to u with his feelings, no matter how vague they are, are a sign that he trust u. Just be patient with him, confirm your love for him, but don't suffocate him. Ask him tomorrow to do something out of the ordinary, that is cheap or free in order that he can see you in a new light. Even if it is going for a walk in the woods and then jumping in the leaves. It sounds crazy, but it worked for my friend. It may take time, but I pray with patience, u both can fall in love all over again.

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