Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello, I often feel derpressed and have the occassional thought of suicide, but I know I would never do it. I've had this since I was a pre-teen and my bouts with depression is fairly minor and would not last too long before being myself again. It was never debilitating, never stayed in bed for days on end and never talked about it with my doctor, as I feel it isn't really something to worry about. I understand depression takes many forms and it is very real. So, here's my question.
I was married for 8 years and 2 years ago my wife decided to end our relationship. We were divorced and not together for a year and a half. 6 months ago she returned and wanted to work things out. I took her back and just last week she said she wants out of the relationship again. I begged for an explanation. She reminded me she suffers majorly from depression, she has a lot of stuff going on in her head that she doesn't want to talk about that I will never be able to comprehend. I have always known of her depression from day 1 and I have always thought she and I can work on her depression together. She never told me this was the reason why she left 2 years ago, now I know. She tried committing suicide when she was a teen. She had a very rough childhood, which included homelessness, molestation from a family member, abandonment by her father, date raped by a guy she trusted and thought was her friend and a shitload of other issues that she doesn't want to talk about and relive. I believe her rough past is a key factor why she makes a lot of bad choices in her life, including quitting a really good job, making large purchases without considering financial impact amongst other things. All of her relationships prior to me were very abusive physically, emotionally and verbally. That is where she gets the "I don't deserve you" mentality. She said she is going through a lot of issues right now and she just needs to be alone and not be in any relationship. She added that it is not fair to me that she keeps stringing me along while she is feeling this way. She swears up and down there is nobody else and in no way want any relationship with anyone. 2 years ago she ran back to the father of my youngest step-daughter, because she felt an obligation to go back to him (again making bad choices). She will be moving out with my youngest step-daughter, but my oldest step-daughter will continue to live with me because there's not enough room for her at the place she's moving to. The first time she left, we got divorced and were not together for 1 and a half years. We were together 8 years before that and this time our "let's work things out" relationship lasted only 6 months.
During the course of her life, she went to counselling several times, but none of the counselling helped. She was also on several meds to help with her depression, but she would always stop taking them for some reason. She said meds and counselling "just doesn't work." I am glad she explained her decision this time, much better than just keeping me guessing like the last time. I do love her a lot and it really hurts me that she is leaving again. I just wished she had a better handle on her depression and was willing to keep trying counselling and finding the right meds. This really sucks because she is truly a good person, but with a horrible condition.
Again, I do have depression, but would never throw away something great because of it. So I am asking those of you who do have depression to help me understand what is truly going on in her head. Her just saying ir is something I can never comprehend is not helping me understand.
Thank you for your time.
But you have depression. Hers may be worse than yours, or you may just have a much better handle on your issues than she does on hers. But either way, you are very likely a good candidate to understand her depression better than anybody else in her life.
Therapy can work, but we have to buy into it. If she goes in with the attitude that it sucks then she will not get any real good out of it.
Medication may work, and it may not. It sounds like her depression may have its roots in the abuse that she suffered, and as such meds may not work that well. A person who has some brain chemistry imbalance is much more likely to benefit from meds. So she may be right on the medication side.
Has she ever really talked to a therapist about her abuse? If not then getting her to talk about it may be the key for her recovery. It is hard to force a person to talk about stuff they don't want to talk about. At this point, I don't think you have the leverage to get her to engage in therapy; if she wants you back again, that would be the time to make it a condition, that she talk to a therapist about her abuse.
Gentle hugs
I don't know how depression can make a person take something great like our relationship and just walk away from it, knowing it affects others, including her own kids?