is it wrong to already have my escape route set? i mean out of all the B.S i've spoken in my life i really think i got something going with this. i'm preparing myself for the worse and when December hits and all things aren't going "good" than i plan to jump infront of that train. now i'm not up to it right now, but with this thought in my head i feel like i can cultivate it up to the point where i am ready to give it a go..and offcourse with the definie help i'm gonna receive from the world from now until then i'm sure i'll be hyped up to go do it. i just don't know how suicide feels, like until December should i be doing some research on which angle to jump in from of the train, should i stand in the track?..or does this suicide feeling just overtake you and at the point of no return you'll know exactly what to do as if you had rehearsed it for a couple of months....idk, i guess i'll just see what happens.
you know i didn't want the world, i wanted the world to want me...and as selfish as that sounds it resounds in my soul. i'm trying to be a good person in life, helping others and stuff..hoping maybe some karma would get back to me. i'm a selfish a-hole and idk..but i digress, do you think i'm living life wrong? like what can i do to improve before december hits, and incase i didn't mention it before December iare when grades come in so that's my biggest concern