My name is Denny, I am 70 yrs old and I live in South Africa. On the face of it, this is a bit of a challenge because our time difference leaves a mile wide gulf between posts. I was diagnosed with COPD emphysema in 2005 and graduated to permanent 24/7 oxygen therapy in 2007. Almost 11 years ago so I had better explain why I’m here on your panel.
My husband and I owned a civil engineering laboratory that used a whole raft of noxious industrial chemicals for the many tests we carried out. Our neighbour on the right was an enormous paint factory and a thundering diesel workshop for agricultural machinery on the left. And we took a breather now and then on the forecourt for a quick ciggie completely innocent of the toxic environment that was a part of our lives for almost 14 years.
Of course, my diagnosis came as a mind numbing crunch which I initially spurned given my active life style, particularly at the gym with my boys and running around the netball field in earlier years as a school teacher.
I don’t exactly remember when my depression set in but I felt the need to seek the comfort and knowledge of like-minded people in an appropriate support group. Even then, the word “depression” sounded utterly ridiculous as I had absolutely nothing to be depressed about. Happy as a lamb, ready to show that I was on top of the world and in complete control of my life. Yeah sure.
I became the class clown, always with a joke and a bunch of generic words of wisdom I nicked from YouTube. But after three years of hiding behind a mask of giggles and wise cracks, my barrel of jokes was running dry and the enormity of maintaining my facade threatened to expose the real me. No one asked about my health status or state of mind and was accused of kicking the team to the curb, especially as they needed me to lift their spirits. I beat a hasty retreat when one of the girls trashed my FB page and sent me into a dark cold corner to lick my wounds.
Now I don’t know how much more of my story to tell you or even if this one has grabbed anyone’s attention, but I now realise I should have joined a depression group from the get-go. Perhaps too much time has already been lost to help me get out of this dang hole but I need to try.
I am in a fog and I'd like to know, how do you all overcome your depressive slumps.
I feel like I’m hopeless I’m this world, like I have nothing else worth fighting for. I’m so hurt inside I feel heavy hearted everyday. Everyday I wish I was dead. I feel like I have a 1,000 pound weight on my back and everyday it’s crushes me more and more. I just want to feel cared for. Idk if I can keep living this way.