My name is Denny, I am 70 yrs old and I live in South Africa. On the face of it, this is a bit of a challenge because our time difference leaves a mile wide gulf between posts. I was diagnosed with COPD emphysema in 2005 and graduated to permanent 24/7 oxygen therapy in 2007. Almost 11 years ago so I had better explain why I’m here on your panel.
My husband and I owned a civil engineering laboratory that used a whole raft of noxious industrial chemicals for the many tests we carried out. Our neighbour on the right was an enormous paint factory and a thundering diesel workshop for agricultural machinery on the left. And we took a breather now and then on the forecourt for a quick ciggie completely innocent of the toxic environment that was a part of our lives for almost 14 years.
Of course, my diagnosis came as a mind numbing crunch which I initially spurned given my active life style, particularly at the gym with my boys and running around the netball field in earlier years as a school teacher.
I don’t exactly remember when my depression set in but I felt the need to seek the comfort and knowledge of like-minded people in an appropriate support group. Even then, the word “depression” sounded utterly ridiculous as I had absolutely nothing to be depressed about. Happy as a lamb, ready to show that I was on top of the world and in complete control of my life. Yeah sure.
I became the class clown, always with a joke and a bunch of generic words of wisdom I nicked from YouTube. But after three years of hiding behind a mask of giggles and wise cracks, my barrel of jokes was running dry and the enormity of maintaining my facade threatened to expose the real me. No one asked about my health status or state of mind and was accused of kicking the team to the curb, especially as they needed me to lift their spirits. I beat a hasty retreat when one of the girls trashed my FB page and sent me into a dark cold corner to lick my wounds.
Now I don’t know how much more of my story to tell you or even if this one has grabbed anyone’s attention, but I now realise I should have joined a depression group from the get-go. Perhaps too much time has already been lost to help me get out of this dang hole but I need to try.
My depression comes out as extreme anger at first. I'm ready to teach anyone who choses to act like an ass to me a lesson in how to really and truly be an ass. I am usually extremely patient with people, so when that side comes out, well, it's a bit of a shock, and my meanness has such a direct hit as to the other person's issues, that it's almost cruel. then I get depressed. I think the...
so today i stupidly decided to wear long shorts to my best friend's house. they rode up my leg a bit, and he saw the fresh cuts and the only thing he said was "why? why why why?" and i explained to him the things my mother says to me and how she treats me and how she's practically doing this to me. and his response is why i'm writing this. he says to me, "nobody deserves pain. not you, not...