Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Out of blue, this morning, I finally saw a pattern of my lowlife parents attitude towards me when I was much younger. At age 55 to figure out such a pattern that came to an almost end around age 24? for me.
The classic cold hearted, psychotically strict, redneck parents stuff: evil crazy mom yelling, but no sympathy when told by others that a bully had their kid pinned to ground...evil crazy mom calling cops when teenage son not home from school by 4 in afternoon...worthless idiot dad telling age 18 son he no longer responsible for him financially, even if his only son doesn't have any friends or relatives to turn to.....evil crazy mom have cops take 21-yr-old son to mental ward for being out past 8 at night curfew...drunken worthless dad telling his son to find own place to stay, cause sunday church going/all day Saturday bars dad unable to handle his reclusive 22-yr-old son finally having some fun with friends.
Such weirdness was too much for me to handle, so I shut down my brain, for decades...? Being depressed was only way for me to handle this...? In old age its typical for people to finally figure out their past...?
At age 55, I have out-lived some people my own age and younger, who had more friends and relatives than me, though their friends and relatives equally dysfunctional. They, and my parents, were never able to figure out what they were doing wrong.
A lot of people are unable to see a pattern that led to how they think and behave?
The classic cold hearted, psychotically strict, redneck parents stuff: evil crazy mom yelling, but no sympathy when told by others that a bully had their kid pinned to ground...evil crazy mom calling cops when teenage son not home from school by 4 in afternoon...worthless idiot dad telling age 18 son he no longer responsible for him financially, even if his only son doesn't have any friends or relatives to turn to.....evil crazy mom have cops take 21-yr-old son to mental ward for being out past 8 at night curfew...drunken worthless dad telling his son to find own place to stay, cause sunday church going/all day Saturday bars dad unable to handle his reclusive 22-yr-old son finally having some fun with friends.
Such weirdness was too much for me to handle, so I shut down my brain, for decades...? Being depressed was only way for me to handle this...? In old age its typical for people to finally figure out their past...?
At age 55, I have out-lived some people my own age and younger, who had more friends and relatives than me, though their friends and relatives equally dysfunctional. They, and my parents, were never able to figure out what they were doing wrong.
A lot of people are unable to see a pattern that led to how they think and behave?
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A tree outside where I live is dying, seemingly from dog urine----with the bully in my building going out his way to not only have his dog urinate there but to have the dog urinate on the fence and sign I bought to try save the tree----and then slide the sign under my apt door.Turns out that was a TRIGGER for me----bullying and humialtion right out of high school. I didn't realize it at the...
A lot of people have parents that haven't a clue
I don't have brothers or sisters, but my parents had nice words for all kind of sleazeball friends of theirs, while I couldn't do anything. My church going dad joked that his friend was supposedly in the mafia, and my mom bad mouthed me to neighbors whose daughter, while babysitting for a married man, got pregnant by him.
I guess the adult children of such parents can be grateful they didn't wind up like many a clueless ex-con who have police records.
Yep.
The important thing is now, how to unlearn the pattern and create a loving, wonderful life anew.
wow, thats fabulous :)
hugs
God bless
"re-wire my brain" and "un-learn my past" are mantras I put in screensavers, to try to brainwash myself.
home as sanctuary...so much psychology quotes i've found how when that isn't the case, problems arise....my parents could have been regarded as being 2 bullies; school bullies and then home to more bullies.
maybe clarity and self-awareness for me...but just when I hope I have it all figured out, and can forget about the past, something new pops up, seconds after I wake up, as though my rem sleep was figuring it out for me....and would be nice if I figured all this out decades ago.
I do see too much of my parents in articles about convicted criminals, on deathrow, who give interviews about their parents.
I try to convince myself I should be grateful I don't have a police record!
so many convicts with parents akin to mine, with some put in jail for life at age 18, and wind up committing suicide at age 38, maybe from having figured out their past, more than realizing they have no future.
yes, I am hoping my broken record re my parents is over, after finally figuring so much out.
Koolman, you are kool.
and I'm sorry to hear what you went through.
I have some claustrophobia, though it mostly comes out in dreams (others would call them nightmares?) in which I reach some dead end in a tunnel of some sort, with no way back.
when I was really young, I would walk in my sleep, to be found in a closet. And there's some vague memory of a relative watching me while my parents were at my grandfather's funeral, with me sitting in a pitch dark living room with the tv on, wherever my babysitting relative disappeared.
woke at one this morning with idea that popped into my head as soon as I did wake up: re my dad committing suicide, not only from Parkinson's disease, and no longer being able to work, but I think also from me being around people, having fun, after me being in a reclusive depression---3 things he couldn't deal with?
john list was in the news about 6 years after my dad's suicide, and it always did stick with me, the idea of church going, reclusive,john list killing his family cause he couldn't deal with bad events. My dad, a few months? before his suicide, said something to my mom about how I simply want to have fun, as though he realized my belated teen fun around age 22 was different from his decades of being around barflys in sleazy bars.