Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm sitting here at 1:25 am trying to start homework that I have been "starting" for almost 5 hours now. I can not focus on it, I have no motivation to keep going. I feel trapped in this world and I can't explain why. I have everything to live for, I'm a 21 year old college student and told I'm a "top of the line student." I have respect from others and yet I feel so incredibly unhappy. Sometimes I wish I had someone who could see and hear everything that goes on in my mind and help me decipher it all. I have seen psychiatrists in the past but really felt like they did not care about what I am going through. I wish I had a GF and yet at the same time see relationships as meaningless and a waste of time. Maybe I have just been so accustomed to focusing on school and absolutely nothing else for so long that I am fed up and want to move on to something else. I have been working on a project about bi-polar disorder and see a lot of signs of potentially having it but I already have adhd, depression and an anxiety disorder and the thought of being told there is something else "wrong" with me would be devastating for myself. I truly feel as if there is nothing wrong with who I am and am simply a unique individual, as we all are, but meeting the criteria for "mental disorders" and labeled as not normal leads to unnecessary treatments. Ever since my adhd was first diagnosed I have felt my happiness slowly diminish and am afraid of what I will be like as I continue to get older. My mind becomes encompassed with suicidal thoughts everyday but I know I will not go through with it and I continue to mentally suffer. I am so fed and do not know what to do anymore. I want to die but at the same time want to be able to grow old and see what I am capable of achieving in my life. All I know is that I need help or I will never be happy or realize my true potential in life.
I often feel as though I have absolutely no reason to be unhappy, but you can't just turn depression off, unfortunately. I've heard people with depression tell me that medication and/or counseling has worked for them, for others, it hasn't. I am somewhat apprehensive to seek professional help. You could keep trying. Also, maybe finding others who can relate to talk to may help to an extent.
I know what you mean about labeling "illnesses"...It tends to carry a negative connotation.
I can relate when you mentioned having suicidal thoughts, but knowing you won't go through with them, and about wanting to die, but wondering what your future holds. I have felt similarly.
You deserve to be happy. We're still young and have our whole lives ahead of us. I just wish I had the ability to cure depression. That would be my super power. If you need to talk to someone, I will gladly listen/read.
Take care. *hugs*
Congrats on realizing all this when you're 21! Some of us realized it much later in life.
You're not alone in this! I earned a Bachelors degree in Communications, and, to this day, I have yet to figure out a way to use it to make some serious coin. Maybe starting a small business is more for you! High school dropouts have become millionaires!