On a previous post you made, some of the members that responded suggested you might not have the correct diagnosis. Go and see a doctor again. Tell them of your self diagnosis. Or don't ...carry on suffering as you are. I read you last post. You were hopeless and not wanting to do anything about it. Yet you post here. People will try to help, they will suggest get help. You should. Good luck.

I have seen your posts before and I know you are along time member and you suffer alot. I know it's hard I suffer too I struggle with many things. I am a suicide survivor as well. And I can tell you firsthand what I put myself through was awful I truly nearly died and at the time I was so sure that I had finnaly gotten it right and I would surely would die. I was unconscious for 3 days when I came to and realized that I was still alive. And I learned something from it. I learned that this was not the way I was going to die. It was not going to be at my own hands. It just wasnt in the stars. There had to be a reason a purpose in life why I was still here. Maybe I found it my family, maybe I found it in my kids, My son lives with me now. Had I crossed over I wouldn't be here for him now in his time of need. Maybe I found it in my two young grandkids that had yet to be born when I did this. Maybe I found it in my pets who were depending on me at the time and still are. Maybe I found alot of reasons to still be here. But I know now that no matter what I can't check out again. I was given a second chance and I have to take it. And I have to put it to good use and make the best of it even though some days are still a struggle I value my life now and I try to love myself more then I did in the past. I want you to know something no matter how bad things are this is one place where you don't want to go to that truly dark place in your mind. It will fix nothing at all. Here is where you fix everything that is wrong in your life. You struggle but you keep fighting you don't give you keep moving forward as best you can. Try to unload some of those negative thoughts. It is those negative thoughts that get people in trouble. Think of this what if you had cancer just what if you did would you fight it or would you just let it take you down and give into it I'm 56 years old so I have lived long enough to know personally 4 different people who have died of cancer. One died within a year. One lived another 5 years and 2 lived about 10 years a piece. You know what the common thread was in all four of them 2 were family and 2 were close friends the common thread was they never ever gave up. They all fought back with everything they had inside them to the very very end. They were so incredibly brave enlight of everything that was happening to them. And they made the most of every moment they still had on this earth. Life was precious to them and they did not abuse it instead they cherished it. It is something to think about I know mental illness can be so so tough on some of us well all of us for that matter. But there is other ways to handle and to cope with it. Keeping you in my prayers johnnyboy