Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I took my last vacation day today. Sammycat wouldnt let me sleep in, so I got up and built a good fire and have been wrapped in blankets this morning listening to the crackling. My fav time of the day is right before the sun comes up. That time between 4 and 6am. I wish it would stay that way. It's like, all the things from the previous day have been washed away but not yet having to deal with the anxiety of a new day and what it brings. Kindve a holding pattern.
Today I've got a list of things to do and wanted to try and work a little today but...maybe I wont. Maybe I'll treat today as my Christmas present and just do things that make me happy. I'll clean the house and go buy Roomies Christmas present. I've been putting off cleaning my car out because it's been so cold. Its suppose to warm up. I am glad to be out of the lions den (work) today.
Roomie wants to go to his relatives house again for the holidays and so I asked him, what about my house? What if I want to do my own dinner? Why do we always have to go to someone else's? Why do I have to go and be around those I feel uncomfortable with at the mercy of 1 car and not being able to leave?
I miss tradition. For someone that hasn't had a traditional family life, I want so much to have my own. I use this time to think about the past year, I almost got married, almost had my own place, found out I need surgury sooner than later. I still have no answers. I'm afraid to make fast decisions based on the uncertainty right now. I'm almost 50, unmarried and no hope. I have to be more methodical.
It can be so hard for those who see the world in such a way to tune out the "noise" of daily life such as errands and responsibility. I am sorry that you are facing stressors in what should be a merry time. I wish I knew how to properly navigate those pitfalls myself.
I am glad you were able to take time for a pause. Not everyone knows how to do that. You have reminded me of how important it can really be.
Thanks :)
Move to a new residence, find a new roommate if necessary, one with no ambiguity regarding the nature of the relationship. I think if you were to free yourself of your current constraints, you would be more able to find what makes you happy and fulfilled. Take time to love yourself and feel complete by yourself.
Honestly, if I were to become single at my age (58), I would certainly enjoy my freedom.
Just my $0.02.