Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I finally discovered what I am good at, just in these past few days. I know what it is now. I am a world-class depressor. I do depression like no one I know. I don't want to be dismissive of others who experience deep depression. There are probably people in this DS Group that struggle with depression more than me. Suffice it to say, I am very good at it.
Here is depression for me: (1) Physical tiredness. Not always sleepiness, but I am physically weak. I wish I could sleep and feel rejuvinated, but sleep doesnt' seem to help at all. (2) A tremendous, monumental, insurmountable lack of motivation. There is no task too small for me it to make me feel overwhelmed. When I force myself to start a task, it feels 10x harder than it should. I am highly ineffective and quit very quickly. (3) All problems look like mountains. Things that would normally be small challenges I could easily overcome feel like crushing problems.
I often wonder what came first, the chicken (my depression) or the egg (physiological, biochemical things happening in my brain). I believe that when we are in a deep depression there must be something that has changed in my brain chemistry. But did the thoughts generate that change, or did the change in brain chemistry generate the thoughts?
I have more to say, but this post is getting long. I'll stop here for now. Does anyone have something to say that could make me feel better. I did change my little mood icon to the one that shows I am feeling horrible. That helped a little.
I also notice your age, the point at which comorbidities may express themselves. When you are physically weak or have an underlying chronic illness, you would have no energy to move let alone to muster your motivation to go forward. When you are physically unwell, your brain cannot function to its full capacity, so you would find complexities in simple matters.
Yet having a chronic illness is not a good pretext for us to abandon our goals, or stop functioning, or let our bodies and brains go to waste. We are not vessels for our disease(s), so regardless of the obstacles, we shall surmount them all and achieve our goals.
The only thing I can offer is that "this too shall pass". The deep depression will lift and things will become easier to deal with and motivation will increase. So take advantage of the "good times", be productive and get things done. This sense of accomplishment can buoy your motivation a bit longer.
And also, be kind to yourself during the times that depression has you in its grips. Weather the storm, so to speak, and know that the sun will eventually shine once again.
Have you been diagnosed with depression by a doctor? Maybe you could get a professional to try to diagnose you? Sorry you are feeling so badly. sounds very hard.