so after class today i called my dad and told him i'm quitting my job, he asked "but don't you want the experience" i told him that i don't care anymore..he got mad at me and asked me if i was atleast gonna find another job. i told him that i go to school monday thru Friday, i work mondays thru thursday everyday after school. i told him i was tired of work and i was tired of school, he let me know that the only way i'll have a job secured in the future is if i gain experience now, i told him that i din't care. Then he asked me "so then just what the fuck are you going to do with the rest of your life? you don't like school and you don't wanna work...what the fuck are you gonna do? Alex, why are you so unmotivated? i'm tryna understand you but i don't get you, if you have no motivation to live then you might as well kill yourself".....i let him know that only know he understands me a little better. He let me know that they wont support me if i'm not doing anything with my life, and i told him it's fine, i don't want this life anymore. When i quit this job and they cease to support me and kick me out of the house i'll just take a quiet stroll to the trainstation and jump in fornt of a J train....see? i have it all figured out guys. gosh, i feel like i'm getting ready for war! as many times as i have wished for death it has never felt so close to me as it has recently. i feel it calling my name while i'm standing on the platform's edge, i hear it whispering in my ears at night when i'm laying in my bed. Death wants me, and i'm too tired to put a struggle anymore.

so i just wanna apologize to my grandma, my little sister, my aunt, and my girlfriend..i just couldn't handle it anymore, i hope you understand