Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be a “normal” person again. The littlest things set me off. Like today I was with my dog on the couch and my dad saw and yelled “get off of there! I just cleaned that...” and I thought maybe I just shouldn’t live anymore since I mess everything up. Maybe I was just meant to die young.
And I’m tired of putting on a fake smile. People have no idea how much I’m hurting because I’m so good at hiding it. Someone from my church was telling me about her daughter who has an eating disorder, self-harms, and is suicidal, asking me for advice because she thinks I’m a good influence. She has no idea I’m every single one of those things and am in no position to give advice because I can’t even fix myself.
People have no idea that it’s a really big deal if I show up to something because right before then I was thinking about dying. Whenever people talk to me it’s “what are you doing with your life? Do you have a job? Are you in school?” Like no, actually right now I’m just trying not to hurt myself everyday and it’s kind of hard to concentrate on other things.
I go to therapy, I take my medications, but it never stops. I can tell people are tired of me, frustrated that I’m not “better” yet because it’s been a long fucking time. I lost all of my friends, either because they were tired of putting in effort for me or because they got all uncomfortable once they found out I’m not okay. I get it, I’m tired too. I’m weirded out by myself too. I just told my parents my dog is my best friend and they laughed but I’m not fucking kidding lol. It seems like the only “people” that aren’t disgusted by me these days are my dog and my 1 year old nephew. And I think “I can live for them.” But sometimes I don’t know if I can. I’m hurting so badly and it’s such a deep pain. I don’t want to hurt anymore.
I can relate b/c I went through what you’re going through. I lost my friends. My best friend. It still hurts, but I survived.
I remember the days, the months and years that I struggled alone in my room. I got through it because the Lord carried me. When I had no strength, He became my strength.
It’s very difficult for ppl that have never suffered from depression to understand it. They think it’ll pass, but when it doesn’t they think you’re not trying hard enough to overcome it.
What I can tell you is there are better moments ahead of you...days you will smile and laugh...new friends to meet, and a learned acceptance and compassion from family.
Please don’t consider harming yourself, b/c you’ll miss so much. You have a purpose.
God loves you. And can carry you, and give you his strength when you’re to weak to go on. He loves you so much that he counts your tears and bottles them:
Psalm 56:8 says, "You have counted my wanderings./Put my tears into Your bottle./Are they not in Your book?"
God remembers and counts our tears. God has not forgotten one drop of our tears.
I’m praying for you. Don’t give up. You would be missed.
Do you have a life group in your church? I hope you can join a group that you can meet in person, it can help you to feel less lonely and you will be encouraged knowing there are people caring and praying for you. Please stay in the forum. You are in my prayers. Please keep us posted.