Depression Support Group
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For the last several months, I have been going EVERYWHERE my husband goes, except when he goes to work. I have myself convinced that something bad will happen to him, but if I am with him I can somehow stop it. I need to get over this because I know I am being irrational. Not to mention this is a hard way to live.....my husband is a runner....the races he enters are 1 and a half hours away....before the sun rises...and they eat up the better part of the day....I spend a lot of time just sitting around in parks and forests....and then wonder why I can't seem to accomplish anything. He does maintenance work for his parents several times a month....they live half an hour away....over a mountain where I once saw an accident, so I won't let him go there alone either. I am guessing this feeling may be a direct result of me already losing both parents and one brother. I think I better bring it up at my next therapy session.
From your perspective you are saving him. From his perspective you are totally controlling and owning him. He won't be able to take that for long. You can't tell a guy he's not allowed to go out and have him continue to feel like your husband. :D He's going to start to feel like your son.
I read this wonderful book about some chinese women and their tribulations and in it somewhere someone had to fly over from China to America, and this old lady sat up all night 'holding the plane in the air'. I know I used to 'hold the plane in the air'. I used to have to stand at the airport and make sure it went without crashing: if I did not wait till it was in the air, something bad would happen.
But that stuff has gone now, because all belief in the supernatural of any kind has gone. there is no universe. There is no god. (My opinion obviously) and therefore my actions can only stop someone's death if I was the one with the knife or gun in the first place.
I think that yes, OCD, but I wonder also about belief in the supernatural. Belief in things that aren't there. Belief in the butterfly effect.
If you really examine things like the butterfly effect properly, you can see that buttering your toast today may kill your husband in three years time anyway.
Believing in that stuff is insane. it unpacks to insane. there's no way you can save him. Every single thing you do can either save or kill him, if you believe in this kind of thing.
So review what you really are thinking and see if it's internally consistent. That's what I'd do.
Have you talked to your DH about this? At some point you will have to let go.
I think I may understand you a bit; well, at least where you are coming from. I have lost the family I was born into. My sister 4 years ago, mom 1 year ago, dad last month. What works for me is the knowledge that I got through each of those 3 events with the help of family, friends and online friends. I am strong (and so are you!), and I can survive the loss of my DW.
Not sure I could survive the loss of one of my children.
Continuing hugs
In moments, our thoughts may become irrational.
Having a good counsellor can help us to determine a plan for handling these times (at least, it has helped me).
Hope it will help you too.
Have you talked to hubby about it? Perhaps he could reassure you and maybe you could set up some kind of short separations. Just to the grocery store or a coffee date. Maybe he could send you a text to let you know he is ok.
I wish I could say more to reassure you. I have this fear myself when hubby goes to work and I stay home. It is a valid fear but also it is not something to dwell on as there is no way to know when someone will die.
Fear of loss is a hard thing to conquer but we must try and live beyond it. I think talking to therapist is a good idea as well.
We all have to live. As the saying goes Don't take life so serious you'll never get out alive. Worrying about the end takes away from what we have and can enjoy today. I would honestly want to have one good happy year (let's say) then 60 yrs of worrying and fears.
Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
Sounds like a great guy.
To smother is to extinguish ... keep that in mind.
Perhaps one compromise would be that he text you when he gets there, when he is leaving, stuff like that.
Let us know how it goes!
But I am so happy to hear you and your DH have worked through the difficult times!
It's ok to worry things become easier the more you
practice.
How wonderful that he agreed to visit your counselor.
Maybe with the 3 of you working together you can come
up with a plan and work through this.