No you are not to blame..You anaswered your own question in your journal..You were 8 years old.....Your father however, is a different story...

You are not to blame. Your father should have never been showing you things like that.

To answer your question NO you did nothing illegal...under the age of 13 you are not responsible for your actions (such as these) you are considered under the age of reasoning. Your father on the other hand is guilty of a whole mess of crimes. What he did to you was child abuse (I hope your mother left him) thats for starters I'd have to look up the others but I know he's at least broken 5-6 laws. You are not a terrible person he is a horrible father and a poor excuse for a human being. You deserve your life to be as happy as ou can make it. The past will never change but dwelling on it can have adverse reactions on the future. Forgive yourself...you knew not what you did.

I forgive you!!!

thankyou...
no my mum didnt leave my dad..and I still talk to my dad...the past is not brought up at all...
I still feel so dirty and stupid about it all...feel like when everyone here on DS knows they will think of me differently.maybe I shouldnt have bothered telling.

Your journal entry is incredibly powerful stuff and it breaks my heart to imagine a young child growing up with those elements. Very sad and disturbing.

You're not in any way to blame, that's very clear. If 1000 people were to read what you shared, I guarantee that all 1000 would let you know that :

1-You are not at all to blame

2- You have not committed any kind of crime

3-Your dad is clearly to blame

4-You're not at all a terrible person

5-You deserve happiness!

thanks

I just read your journal entry and I think your father was not only wrong but a sexual abuser of his children.
Would you cast blame at an 8 on a child for any of this?
Wouldn't you see that child as an innocent victom of an adults twisted abuse?
You seem to blame yourself for something your adult father taught you,your innocent in this and all blame is placed on him.
But since you do blame yourself then you need to forgive yourself so you can begin to heal.
As children we are all innocent.
Hugs to you!

Thanyou to those that have read my journal and left comments... I guess I now see that it wasnt my fault and I do need to forgive my father and myself and move on.That is going to be hard but I think it needs to be done.
I do feel a bit of relief now as this is the first time EVER I have told anyone about this, and I dont think there will be a need to disrupt anyone elses lives by bring it up. I will just rely on others here on DS to get me through this. I just hope I dont end up turning everyone away from me.
Anyway...thanks so much for being here and suporting me through this dificult time.