its ok you have to be strong for him talk to him and let him know how much it would hurt you if he died and let him know that if he dies at least 3 of his closest friends will die because thats just how it is because thats how much he is cared for so tell him the only thing he would be doing if he died is hurting those closest to him

Everyone always says to get help but what if he doesn't want help what if he's given up you can't force it upon someone

Damien13 I try but he won't believe me he just thinks nobody will care he's convinced that he's better off dead

Melons, I don't know how old you are, but sometimes, if someone really is a danger to themselves you can force them to get help. It means that person would need to spend some time at an inpatient psychiatric facility until they are no longer a danger to themselves, but if you honestly feel there's a time when your boyfriend can't keep himself safe you can always call 911 and tell them that he's suicidal. It's not an option people want to use, but sometimes it's the only way to keep someone safe.

Melons135, it sounds like you really love your boyfriend. You must be a very caring person to stick by him even when it's so painful for you that he doesn't see any hope. I know everyone says to get help, and maybe he doesn't want it right now, but from what you've said it really does sound like he needs help. And for that matter, you could probably use some support too. You're in an incredibly stressful situation. You might consider calling 211. It's a service that connects people with local support of all kinds.

I would gie him an ultimatum. Either he get some help voluntarily or you will have no choice but have him sectioned in to a psych. hospital involuntarily if he actually has a plan to hurt himself. I know what you're going through as my 19 year old son gets suicidal sometimes and it's the worst feeling in the world to not know from one minute to the next whether he's going to do it or not. Explain to your boyfriend that you can't fix him and that he needs to get help. Tell him you can't continue to be responsible for his safety all by yourself.

Please continue to suggest that he get help. Depression can be easy to deal with, at times; depression can be almost impossible to deal with, at times. And all for the same person.

In the easy times, and perhaps in the harder times, an untrained friend or family member can be a huge help. (My wife was just such a help when I finally admitted that I was not happy.) But it can really take professional help to deal with the hard times.

And it can take professional help to formulate a plan that can help with the overall approach to his depression.

I liken depression to being diabetic. All diabetics need to monitor their diet and be aware of things that indicate their sugar levels are out of balance. Some, not all just some, diabetics must take insulin, others may need it infrequently.

So for a depressed person, therapy is our "monitor our diet". It is the common thing that we all can benefit from.

So for a depressed person, being aware of our triggers (for example, some depressed people suffer a lot during heavy rain storms) is like a diabetic knowing that certain things mean their sugar levels are off (thirst, being light headed, blurred vision are examples I learned from WebMD). Then the depressed person can take evasive actions. Avoiding triggering situations when we are already anxious is good, focusing past short term situations is another coping method.

So for a depressed person, medication may be required to manage our symptoms. Just like the diabetic needs insulin on a regular basis.


All of these things require professional help to get started, I mean to get a good start. A lot of us here have gone through that, but none of us here, that I am aware of, are professional healthcare people specializing in depression. So our help is a good guideline, but we often miss subtle yet important aspects of specific cases that the professional is trained to look for.


Please listen to the others here when they advise you to set limits. Do not become the only thing that keeps your BF going, that is a situation that almost never ends well. You can be part of his support network, you can even be the largest non professional part of it, but once you become "it" he stops relying on himself. And in the end, we all need to be responsible for ourself.

Sorry to go on and on, ...

Gentle hugs

It sounds like you are in a scary place, knowing that your boyfriend is not in a good place and feeling that you are helpless to help him at times. Know, however, that you can walk alongside him and encourage him, but at the end of the day the decisions he makes are his. He has to come to a place himself where he desires help and seeks it out. You can encourage him in making healthy decisions and telling him how you feel about him, but he needs to take some initiative in getting help for his depression.
It is hard to walk alongside someone who is struggling and not being able to change it for them. Make sure that as you walk alongside your boyfriend, that you are also seeking help for yourself, whether through supportive friends or a counselor that can help you through this really emotional and difficult time. Keep going strong!

He needs intervention from a mental health professionals and a psychiatrist, and this definitely sounds like a crisis situation, so it needs to be done immediately. If he is a dangerous to himself and/or others, then he needs to be put on a 5150, which is a mandatory hold in a psychiatric facility. A lot of times it for 72 hours, in which time they do a psychiatric evaluation, but if it is determined by the people who are in charge of his evaluation that he is still in imminent danger of harming himself and/or others, the mandatory hold will be extended. This situation with your boyfriend needs more than your loving support. That is wonderful that you can give that to him. But you are in over your head, as anyone who is not a psychiatric and mental health professional would be. The best thing you can do is get your boyfriend the professional help he needs and support him as he gets it. And make sure that you have support as you go through this difficult and stressful time.