Hello everyone. I visited this site several years ago at my lowest when I felt like I had no one to talk to. I've been okay for awhile, kind of keeping my head just above the surface, but I can feel myself sinking again. I just needed an outlet.
That is not to say I'm at my worst. I dont want to take my life or anything of the sort, I'm just tired. Exhausted. I work 50 hours a week, am in school, just had my first baby in April, and am just trying to function. My baby boy is amazing, healthy, happy, and sleeps well throughout the night. I have a good job, a good family. I am happy with where I'm at in my life. But I'm just not happy with myself.
I feel like a failure. A bad mother, a bad wife. My son is with his grandparents during the day Monday thru Friday (6-3) so we can work and with us after. But he likes to go to bed around 7pm. I feel like I don't spend enough time with him. I have to work. We have a house payment, bills, student loans.. Im terrified that I'm not enough for my son. My husband and I used to watch TV shows and movies before in the evening but with the baby and classes it's difficult. I do go to bed a bit earlier because I'm tired and wake up at 4, so I feel guilty for that. I don't have time to clean as much, cook as much.. I still have a bit of the pregnancy weight. I feel as if I'm not good enough for him either.
I just feel like I'm never enough. Im trying so hard, doing what I'm able, but I feel like I could always do more. I love my family with all my heart but what if there is someone who can take better care of them?
This is a different type of depression than I'm used to. I just feel so weighed down, so hopeless. And I'm so much more frightened because I have more to lose.
I'm 67 years old, married to a good man (my second marriage) for 17years. Between us we have 5 children and 5 grandchildren. We live in a retirement community that is very active. Over the years I've joined clubs, zumba classes, went to clubhouse dances. We had a group of friends that we did things with for years. Lately that all seems to be changing and the group has drifted apart....
I went through a depression a few years ago and since being medicated I’ve done quite well. I was always able to get up and go to work but I struggled with being around people after work. I would put my headphones on and just tune out the world around me. I have had days since where I struggled and today is one of those days. The first thing I thought when I woke up this morning is...