HI KC, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down. You have come to the right place because most of everyone here are feeling down, being holed up at home whilst the coronavirus goes on the rampage. Most people are unable to go to work or earn an income at the moment, and being stuck at home staring at the 4 walls are driving people insane,

I am compelled to go into self-isolation as I have shown flu symptoms, and unable to work as a health professional due to my flu. So I sit here and working hard on my online courses despite of the flu and my teacher is not sympathetic so I feel kinda sad. On top of that, my lupus and fibromyalgia decide to flare with the flu so I feel pain, fatigue, coughing, wheezing and general misery. At this point, I feel like I have fallen off a cliff into a large and deep bottomless hole.

So after ranting a while, I feel much better. I have the flu before and even though it takes more time than usual to recover due to my autoimmune conditions, I will always emerge out of it. Once I have recovered from flaring and/or finish the online course, perhaps I can see the future before me. Of course, my boss will let me work once I recover from the flu.

My point is, once you are feeling down, you think your way out of your depression by having an optimistic outlook on life. Misfortunes will always reverse, and no pain is everlasting. The more adversities life throw at you, the stronger you will become. Once you have risen from where you have fallen, you will remember the mistakes and the lessons, to avoid the pitfalls of tomorrows.

Our families do not understand our pain to express empathy, but you draw strength from yourself and do not rely on another's approval to justify the purpose and value of your existence. Learn to be content with yourself, and work with what you have. For people with chronic illnesses like us, we rely on ourselves to adjust to our new normal in order to survive.

Be strong, be happy and be content. Best wishes, Marie :)

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful message Marie xo

I hope that you start to feel better soon and that you get through this tough time one day at a time and that each day brings you at least a little joy or a smile to your face xx

These times of lockdown aren’t to dissimilar than my normal life so there isn’t too much of an adjustment for me, four walls are my daily.

But things have popped up that have tested me and have seemed to have gotten the better of me.

I find myself getting weaker. I find it harder to fight past the hurt, the pain and the sadness anymore.

I seem to find myself looking in the mirror and wondering why I keep bothering.

I don’t like or care for the person I have to look at the n that mirror anymore.

Xo

Aww KC, what kind of things that are testing you, that makes you lose control?

It is easy for sufferers of lupus and fibromyalgia to become weaker. Just try to do some exercise, even walking out to the garden would be helpful. If you keep replaying the hurt, pain and sadness in your mind, you will become trapped in this vicious circle of helplessness and resignation.

We who suffer from chronic illnesses and disfigurement, have to look at life as a glass half-full. You have set the bar too high for yourself, lower it a little. Remember, rejoicing in our little achievements, no matter how minute, will give us contentment and sense of completion. When I look in the mirror, I can only recognise my soul in my eyes, the rest of this physical package changes with age and disease so it does not matter. What is important is that your soul is unchanged, and this aspect of you, you can recognise.

Don't measure yourself to others but to yourself. What is important is for us to survive our ordeals, surgeries, illnesses, cancer and all. What really matters is that we get to live at the end of the day. Don't think of yourself as being a burden to others; our burden is only for us to bear. Our family sacrifices for us without question, so don't feel awkward when interacting with your family.

You will find employment once this COVID thing is over. Just think outside the picture, you will find a suitable employment in the future. Don't think too much less it will make you depressed.

Hi KC & Andromeda,
Wow what a beautiful response from Marie is it? I felt uplifted also from reading these messages and replies and KC I can totally relate to your feelings. My life pre-corona was already kinda the same as I was unemployed since end of Jan and already have underlying mental health issues I've been struggling with due to the usual abuse many people endure during their lives.

I love Maries reply and she is so on the ball about everything she said esp the part about "you think your way out of your depression by having an optimistic outlook on life." It is challenging when we are in that state so it may seem easier said than done. I go thru highs and lows and in my own case I can only share personally what helps me and maybe give you some ideas. Some I beleive Marie (Andromeda) may have mentioned.

To raise my energy vibration I do things that make me feel good such as taking a salt bath with my aromatherapy essential oils. I dilute them and they have healing properties on the mind body and spirit. I am an aromatherapy massage practitioner by trade. Example you can mix 5 drops of peppermint oil or 5 drops of lavender into 1 or 2 cups of epsom or sea salt and mix into a bath. Put on your favourite music, keep away from bath of course so maybe you can find some youtube or spotify music you like and leave it playing before you go into your bath. Soak and relax at least 30min.

Also go for a walk daily or sit in your backyard with your feet in the grass or hug a tree. All these activities are very grounding. Esp good to get vitamin D from the sunshine daily so if you can't go out then at least try and sit next to a window where you can absorb some sunlight. Trust me this works. Do this at least minimum of 15-30 min a day.

Meditate and or pray if that is your thing. Call on friends or talk to a family member that you safe expressing your feelings too. Ask them for emotional support just someone to listen to so you can get this off your chest. I live alone in basement apartment and i fell into such a deep depression my family ended up driving over an hour away to pick me up so I can stay with them for a few days.

I'm still here and even though sadly my mom is a bit difficult and abusive, I keep forgiving her and just trying to see her as a child who hasn't healed from her pain, Maybe its just a comfort thing but even though we don't communicate very much, just being around people (family) in my case and being away from dark basement which lacks sunshine, it has helped me tremendously. I would stay longer if she would allow me once I finish up some paperwork at home (tax stuff) and you know clean out the fridge, lol, I think being around people is what I needed cause I was so alone in my own thoughts and they were not good thoughts.

Also the diet. I need to practice what I preach but maybe your issue can also be diet related or if you are on any medications that have side effects. I know a lot of people are emotionally eating esp during this stressful time. Try not to listen to too much news. That is soo depressing as it focuses a lot on the negative and how scary our world is, is it any wonder we all want to crawl into a hole and die sometimes.

You can try also listening to some online youtube mantra meditation sound healing videos. Example I just found this online you may prefer ladies voice so you can search around for ones you like or search Doreen Virtue Chakra Meditation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEgLw6bTtxs

I can dig up tonnes more and have so many ideas so feel free to message me anytime by email on here if you are interested.

Be well and hang in there ok. We are all in this together and so much help is available.
Celestial Light

I’m sorry you’re feeling down. I think a lot of us know that feeling. I don’t know that I’ve ever been this low in life. But I believe in a better tomorrow.

Do you have a strong support system?

Thank you to all for the lovely messages. Celestial, Maria and Jeff xxx.

For taking the time to reach out and try and give me ideas on ways to help me through this very rough time.

My headspace is just so foggy, and cloudy right now as something awful has occurred and brought me very deep down.

I’m finding it very hard to pull myself out of it, as it was something that was supposed to bring me so much joy after I had been through so much and was feeling very down. But then this too turned dark.

Unfortunately I blame myself for this and that is why I am struggling so deeply. I’m holding onto so much guilt and pain over it. I can’t get the thoughts out of my head that I’m such a bad, evil horrible person. I honestly hate myself so much right now.

To punish myself I’m not eating, haven’t been taking my pain meds, and I’m so close to self harming. Because I feel I deserve it.

When I’m like this I close off, hide away, suffer in silence. It’s what I deserve after all.

HI KC, can you please tell us a little bit about the issues/events/actions that you have done and for which you are now feeling guilty and self-punishing. Things may be not that bad. Sometimes when we are depressed, we magnify things to giganormous proportions when the things themselves may not be significant. I don't think that harming yourself is going to solve anything. All it can do is to cause you unnecessary pain. Even if you have done things that you don't think is right, the most important thing is that you have expressed remorse and is willing to rectify the situation. Remorse and redemption are the solutions if you have done wrong things to others.

As you have mentioned that you are feeling cloudy and foggy, and that you have a history of fibromyalgia, I am thinking whether you may like to ask your doctor to check for autoimmune diseases. Untreated autoimmune conditions can affect the brain and its functions, and cause the sufferers to have distorted perception of their surroundings & of their relationships with others. We are happy to help you to analyse your situations with much clarity and with the impartiality of an outsider.

Just remember to sleep and don't think of anything negative. Sometimes all the brain need is rest to recharge for the next day. Take care, Marie :)

Thank you for reaching out. I was not ok for years so I know how hard that can be. You are not alone. There are so many people out there who want to help and this is a good start. I have found that TheHopeLine.com has some great resources. I am praying for you -Rachel

You're so welcome KC. I can have compassion for where you are at as we all go through highs and lows throughout our lives and I can recall even times when I was transitioning through adolescence and into my teenage years and up, still to this day have stuff I'm dealing with so know that you are not alone and there is always support available.

I can recall even a period of time when I was going through agoraphobia and couldn't even go outside my front door and or go out for a walk around my block. I had so much fears and I didn't know how to move past it. A lot of it maybe was picked up from my environment especially if you are empathic that is why it is sooo important to raise you own vibrational energy.

I would like to give you a few suggestions if you are open to it just to help bring some balance and some activities may help you to get into your body more and out of your mind.

Do you like to journal? Can you find an empty journal book and write down a list of activities that used to bring you joy or that will bring you joy?
Example it could be

1. Reading: Finding a couple of books that you can read, a romance novel, an autobiography, any book that is sitting on a bookshelf that you have onhand that you haven't read and planned to read someday or it can even be a book you have already read but that brought you joy. Even a self help book if that is what you choose.

--I like the ones that offer self reflection questions at the end as it helps me to go within and do some healing. Iyanla Vanzant has a few good books and she also has a tv show where she helps counsel couples and stuff. You can maybe even look her up and listen to her talks online or Oprah Winfrey Super Soul Sunday and other Youtube talks

--If weather permits and if you have a backyard or front porch I would suggest that you go outside and sit in a comfy chair and do some reading, idealy in an area where you can get a bit of sunshine too, if its sunny and if not its ok too, just the idea is to get outdoors and get some fresh air elements and listen to the sounds of nature, birds, etc. You can take it a step further and even put your bare feet in the grass as this is very grounding practice. Mother Earth is a healer and she has the ability to absorb all the negative imbalances in our bodies and transform it. That's why I especially love to sit by trees because the roots underneath can really charge us up. Right now with many lockdowns maybe you can't do it in your local park but if you got one at home in your yard that's a place to start.

2. Painting, or coloring a mandala coloring book.

3. Going for a walk

4. Watching your favourite comedy sitcoms or Netflix Movies that are uplifting, The idea is to fill your mind with positive feel good hormones.

5. Calling and talking with trusted friends that will help uplift you and make you laugh.

6. Baking your fave recipes, cookies, muffins or Betty Crocker Cake, or cooking a meal. Take pictures and post it on your social media if you feel inspired.

7. Listen to your favourite music and even dance alone if you want to.

8. Organize your closet or dresser drawers. Declutter a desk drawer. Set aside maybe 30 min or an hour whenever you get the momentum to, this will help you to focus on a task and may help to get your mind off of your problems and you will feel so much more organized.

9. Do something for others that make you feel good. Since volunteering in public places at this time is not the most safest thing but maybe you can cook a meal or drop off some freshly baked cookies to an elderly neighbor leaving them at their doorsteps. Or go online and click daily to give food to hungry or to feed animals. Check this out and bookmark it and click daily to as many of the causes that interest you. This always makes me feel good inside. https://thehungersite.greatergood.com/clicktogive/ths/home

9. Find some positive affirmations you can listen to daily to rewire your brain to think positive healthy thoughts. You can play this or listen to them with headphones even while you are cooking or doing stuff around the house. This ones a good one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=lz16YqpWkz4&feature=emb_title

10. If you have a pet take time to do things with your pet, like take them for a walk, play with them, cuddle, give your pet a bath.
--Or as I mentioned before give yourself a bubble bath.

Every day I want you do at least 2 things or more from that list and then at the end of the evening before bed I want you to journal about how you are feeling. Express your thoughts and notice any positive changes over time as you invest more time daily to doing things that are uplifting for your mind and spirit.

On a last note regards your feelings of guilt and shame or other emotions you may be trying to process and work through, maybe some of these talks on youtube will help. I have been listening to some of these and found them helpful too. https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=teal+swan+shame+and+guilt+youtube&qpvt=teal+swan+shame+and+guilt+youtube&FORM=VDRE

As you can tell by now I am a wannabe counseler, lol. How and I doing so far? I'll send the bill next month.. haha Just joking around. If any of these suggestions will help then this will be time well spent and I would be so happy to hear if you have tried any of these and if you feel like dropping a line every once in a while and anything you'd like to share please do so.

Also I don't know exactly what you meant by things not working out but whatever it is I hope you find peace with that.
All my best wishes.
Celestial Light

I’m so sorry I haven’t been back on to reply or let you know how I’m doing. I wasn’t being rude.

Things actually got worse, or should I say are worse.

I just don’t know what to do, I’m completely lost. I don’t understand why these things keep happening to me.

Am I a bad person. Did I do something bad in another life. Is someone gunning for me and it’s only a matter of time.

I’m so overwhelmed. It’s never ending. I honestly don’t feel like I’ll ever have a peaceful or happy life.

Unfortunately I cannot say in a public forum what has happened it is just to bad to say and I actually may get into trouble if I did, and make it 10x worse, if that’s even possible.

But trust me when I say it’s scary, it’s extremely depressing and I could lose absolutely everything, not that I really have much at this present time after what I’ve recently been through.