I've been in this situation. It's horrible. If he won't listen it's not going to lead anywhere good.
Best case scenario is typically an affair with someone who is supportive and listens.
Have you tried explaining to him that this is important and something that you definitely need support in?

yes, men just dont get it

that's not true at all. There are men that get it. If yours doesn't then he's just a jerkface =/

If he is with you, then he probably does care.. My guess is the topic makes him feel uncomfortable. I would try to discuss with him how is "brushing off" makes you feel. Perhaps he is unaware of how he is effecting you. If he really just doesn't care I would say leave him. I think it's best for your own health and sanity to be with someone who supports you through everything. When we are in a relationship we don't get to pick and choose.

HUGS

That is my problem no body wants to lisen.

Is there a support group you could join to be able to express yourself?He probably does love you lots and just does not have a clue how much you need to express yourself and be validated and supported.Have you ever thought about asking him to go to therapy for couples,or a support group for depressed people and their loved ones.I am not sure how you would feel about that,but it may be helpful.A trusted person to be able to share with can be very helpful when they understand.I sense you need to be heard and understood.Sometimes it takes much time and effort and patience for relationships to develop a closer connection and be able to open up with each other more deeply.I hope he does begin to try to really listen and empathize with you.

He used to be so loving, but since we moved in together, hes only interested in his computer games

I don't mean to offend anyone. Women probably don't REALLY get it either unless it's happening to them

I've often heard, and I find it to be true, that men are more "fix it" oriented and that women are more "process" oriented. in other words, men can have a tendancy to be uncomfortable with anything that doesn't require some duct tape and a pair of pliers. My husband is kind of the same way. I don't talk to him at length about my feelings or about the depression. And I try to appreciate what he IS good at like fixing things, working his butt off seven days a week, and paying the bills. I know that there are men out there who are good listeners, so I don't mean to offend any sensitive, caring men out there. It just seems like women are better at listening than men are. Don't forget that you have us here at DS for support too, quirkygirl.

yes thats true actually :)

You're right most people don't get, it's a world that is beyond their experience. I was in a helping professsion and studied "depression" thought I had a good understanding of it, but when I mentally crashed seven years ago I woke up to a different world. I had change, the world had changed and I had no idea how to what to do. Hope you find some to listen, it does help to talk, to cry....

All the best to you

Different people deal with things differently. It is hard to try to "make" somebody deal with an issue in a way that does not work for them.

Sometimes these differences fall on gender lines, or religion lines, or age lines, or some other line.

If you are getting therapy, then perhaps you can spend some time learning different ways to get support from people. Ideally your bf would go and you two could learn a way to communicate that works for both of you.

quirkygirl,

Some guys just aren't comfortable talking about feeling. Maybe he is having problems too and is afraid of acknowledging your feeling because he then will have to acknowledge his own problems. I've found that's the case with a lot of men.

Are you in therapy? If so, I would talk the situation over with your therapist. Maybe even get a couples session so the two of you can discuss your relationship.

I hope you are able to find happiness. Just remember, we're here if you need to vent.

Annie

I find that it is amazingly helpful to be able to tell someone the thoughts in your head. --helps get them out. Tell your bf that you just need to be able to voice the thoughts and EXACTLY what response you need from him. If you need him to give you a hug and tell you he loves you or that he will always be here for you tell him that. And when he does what you ask, thank him and tell him how much it means to you. If it is too stressful for him to hear the negativity, find a friend to talk to and do the same process.

I am currently in this situation as well. I have been for a few years and I am learning how to deal with it. However, my fiance and I recently had a breakthrough. I confronted him about his unwillingness to talk about issues that were important to me, mainly my depression and mental health issues. He told me that he doesn't like to talk about it because he doesn't know what to do to make it better and that frustrates him.

I assume your boyfriend is probably feeling the same way. He doesn't want to see you in pain, but if he ignores it, it will go away. You can't really count on him to make things better or offer advice. But let him know that you expect him to at least listen, try to sympathize with how you're feeling, and do what he can to make you feel better while you're working on things (give a hug/kiss, take you for a walk, etc.). But he shouldn't be expected to try to fix anything or be the solution.

As for the computer games, I have the same problem but with the XBox! I confronted him about that as well and we've worked out schedules for what should be his hobby (not his life!). When I'm not home, he can play all he wants of course. But when I'm here, I expect some time spent together not playing games. I usually give him an hour or two every other day to play games while I find something else to do. I find that it is also beneficial for my depression to have some "me" time. Tactfully bring up his excessive time spent gaming and how it makes you feel. Once in a while, I play games with my fiance on the XBox and he really likes that. Getting interested in his hobbies might also help him understand that you're not trying to take it away from him.

This is all just from my own experience and not advice I received from a therapist or anything, so use with caution. But it really helped our relationship. Good luck! And sorry for the long post!