Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am so depressed right now. I have a medical condition that seems to be dragging and I feel like doctors are not taking it seriously and it's frustrating. My husband went with me to an appointment today to get results and the doc said the labs were normal and the scan show something but minimal. It's not that I wanted her to tell me something drastic, it's that I have been physically and mentally suffering for so long that I became frustrated. My husband perceived me as having an attitude with him, but I feel like I was just venting. I don't understand why people think that we have to make them comfortable and somehow expect us to smile and say everything is OK? He know I've been going through this for a while but this isn't the first time he take my venting or if I choose to be truthful about how I feel, he take it personally. He want to tell me how he's been good to me and that he try to make me happy and so on and so on. I end up feeling like the bad guy. I am not suicidal but when I feel down like this, I do wish i could just pass away. I am to the point where I don't want to say how I really feel to him. I definitely don't want him going to anymore doc appointments with me. It's sad that I feel I have to grin and bear it and say I'm Ok. He always so I can tell him things but obviously I can't. I have supportive grown sons, but I don't want to burden or scare them with this. This is my first time starting a topic on anything but I really needed to talk to someone. Thanks for listening.
The first thing I'd go with is his response. It sounds like he saw your venting as an attack on him. Venting is an emotional action, but his perception of being attacked is also an emotional thing.
I'd suggest waiting until both of you are calm and talking about venting without bringing up your health issues. Ask him how he perceived your venting as an attack, and let him know how you need to vent. Once he can understand that you are not attacking him it should go better.
You may need to modify how you vent, and it may be some very simple things too. Things that are important to him, but that you may have not noticed.
Just trying to present this from a man's point of view!
Gentle hugs
You are not the bad guy, and you shouldn't feel that way. But you and I both know that women and men are very different when it comes to "venting"! We need to vent, it's a biological thing. But men like solutions to problems. So when we vent and if it's about something they can't fix (like your health problems), they get frustrated and sometimes defensive. They just see it as us yelling for no reason.
What I've done with my husband is to say calmly, "I just need to vent. You don't need to do anything. Just listening to me will really help me a lot." And then after he listens to me I'll say, "Thanks a lot, I feel a lot better now. That really helped."
And then the other thing is to find a girlfriend and do more venting with her. ;)
Then call a girlfriend. :)