ive been having a severe bout of depression and anxiety for over a year now. i was hospitalised a few times and did not work for six months. am at work now on a part time basis. even after all the therapy and meds the underlying problem is still there. there is no point to my life. it dont want my life, it has no hopes and dreams and is boring. i never have any fun and that makes it more depressing. i spend everyday going through the motions pretending im ok while im at work so they dont sack me.i only go because i have to support myself. the fire in me has gone out. and i used to have a raging passionate fire for many things. my main problem is that there is nothing i like doing anymore. all the things i used to like doing now seem like insurmountable problems. even simple things, i used to love shopping, cooking, seeing friends and going out with family. talking on the phone, listening to music, playing the piano, singing. (im a music teacher). i dont like doing these things anymore as they all scare me. i panic if i go to the shops along. putting on a face for friends is so tiring i cant stay long. i come home and cry and shake cause i often push myself too far without realising it at the time. im cant make myself be interested in these things anymore. the only things that give me pleasure are eating and curling up with my cat. that's it. nothing else. how do i get the fire back? i cant go one for the rest of my life in this mind numbing stupor or i will end wanting to hurt myself.i want my life back, i want to have fun, how do i do it? please help.
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