Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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ph670 09/30/2007

I have a beautiful son Matthew who has cerebral palsy. Matthew is 10 yrs old. I have been taking care of him by myself for the last ten years. My husband and family insist i put my son in a home. They see my knees are starting to detiriorate. I can't walk up and down stairs it's very painful. I get very depressed just thinking of putting my son in a home. Why dosen't anyone understand that it is very difficult for a mother just do put her child in a home. My husband and family tell me if i can't take him and i start breaking down phsyically , how am i going to care for him. I'm so tired of hearing about the home issue. I cant' even bear the thought of my son in a home. I heard alot about thee homes how they neglect those children just let them sit in a locked room. It rages me even to think my son being in that kind of care. I always said, if i go my son comes with me, because there is no one like the mother. Why dosen't anyone understand about how i feel about this home crap????

deleted_user 09/30/2007

I understand how you feel, but I also know that they are probably just trying to be helpful. They probably see you struggling and feel helpless and are trying to find a way out for you. They don't understand that a mother is willing to sacrifice all of herself for her child and that she dies a little when her children are away from her.

deleted_user 09/30/2007

They dont understand because they arent his mom. My son has ODD. It is a severe defiance disorder which turns our home upside down. Everyone tells me to just bust his butt and he wont talk back and he wont throw fits, ect. Easier said than done. All I really need is for one of these people with all the answers to become educated on his disorders and understand that this is just him...my son. You are his mom and you alone will make the right decision for you and him. Some homes are terrible. Others get a bad rap because of the bad ones. If you consider him going to a home...check them out thoroughly and make sure that you can get him out if needed. Some homes keep children for a set minimum of time and there is nothing that can be done once they are in. Take care and I wish you strength and some peace.

starfish 09/30/2007

I did the same thing, too...and I looked and looked, and asked and asked for help, and didn't find what I needed.

What is going to happen in the future?? You know you are not going to be able to care for him indefinitely....so start calling around, and see if you can find some resources to get help in your home....is there respite care available??

Don't let shame, stubborness, denial get in your way of caring for your son. If your body is breaking down, you need help.

That doesn't mean he needs to be committed to a home. It does mean you need support and help to stay away from that.

deleted_user 09/30/2007

i love my daughter and would do anything for her. you are his mother and he needs you. if you can do it..do it..they dont know what he nneds or u need

deleted_user 09/30/2007

I'm sure this is hard for you and although I'm not in your shoes, I understand the unconditional love of a mother...YOu would do anything for your child, even if it means ignoring your own personal illnesses. Are there any ways to compromise? Is there a day "school" for children like Matthew or does he already attend? If so, when he is at school, can you rest your legs more or do "me" things to help you relax? I don't want to see you do something you don't want to do (putting him in a group home) so I was just thinking if there are ways that you can still have Matthew at home but to also take care of yourself...Hugs to you :)

deleted_user 10/01/2007

I am going to speak directly here. Now, my children were ripped away from me when they were one and a half and two and a half. No one knows of my Love for my children ever intense as a mother's love, I assure you. Right now you have you at forefront of this serious problem. You are only interested in what happens to you if your baby goes into a home. Maybe you ought stop having fear of fear dictate to you that your love for your baby might change if you put your seriously ill baby a home. Your love will not change. My love did not change for my sons after many, many years of never seeing them. And even if your love did change, which it won't, it is your baby who most important not you. So do what is best for your baby and then the best you can do for yourself... like find a support group, a therapists, ect.

deleted_user 10/01/2007

I very much agree with you. I understand you 100%.

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