Do you have anything that you look forward to at night? If not, you could try to create something. A ritual, or just something that you enjoy.

You could make it a regular practice to fix yourself something yummy, watch a movie and relax. You could make anything into a ritual...exercise would be a great one, except I know that it keeps some people awake if you do it too late.

A bedtime ritual can be really relaxing as well...light a candle or incense, lower the lights, read for a bit or listen to music...let your mind get tired slowly and in a fun way.

Just some thoughts.

I do actually. It's just right at the moment before I go to sleep. I'm otherwise occupied. But right as I close my eyes, even if I've stretched myself to a tired limit, I can feel myself drop. Even if I've had an exceptionally good day, this last moment kills it all, and I get obsessive about it, wanting to die. I don't understand it.

It sounds like you are lonely?

I imagine something. I imagine what I need in that moment is happening, until I go to sleep. It's all I know to do.

Oftentimes, night is the worst for me as well. I feel so alone, so deserted. I feel almost like nothing is worth it any more. Somehow, I manage to turn my back to those thoughts, but it isn't easy.

Night time is hard for me too. I could have had the best night in the world and those negative feelings will creep up on me before I fall asleep. I usually come on this site during that time or watch a movie that I know will make me feel better... Also, writing down your feelings in a journal or something like that may be a good idea too. Anything to keep you from focusing on the suicidal thoughts.

PS only lay in your bed when your tired and completely ready to fall asleep. This trains your body to recognize that when you lay down in your bed, it equals time to fall asleep. Don't watch TV, read a book, or anything else in your bed. Only lay down in it when its bed time.

If the thoughts are coming to you right before you fall asleep does this at least mean that you are close to falling asleep and that if you wait a little longer you will actually be alseep? I'm trying to get a sense of how long this goes on for you. If it doesn't last very long then at least you can feel safe about not ACTING on the thoughts since you'll be asleep soon anyway. You might want to look in to some hypnotherapy which can help to retrain some of those thought patterns. If you don't have anyone in your area, you might be able to find someone online you can work with.

It is literally the few moments before I pass out. I'm not sure what hypnotherapy is, but I'll look into it. Thank you. The thoughts that float in my head are violent but soothing, almost hopeful, which makes me worried about it. But then the next morning, I'm up, and I'm stable.

I always thought that was what sleep was for. Everything recharges during sleep, body and mind.

I actually was talking to my therapist about this exact issue at my last session. I told her I was struggling with suicidal thoughts right as I was trying to fall asleep. She suggested I look back into my DBT book for ways to self soothe before falling asleep. I found listening to light music and acknowledging the thoughts before bringing my mind back to the music helps. Hope you find something that works for you too.

I sometimes listen to guided meditation videos on YouTube as I'm falling asleep. Doesn't always work, but it does sometimes.

You can find them specifically designed for certain issues, or just a general feel-good meditation. They just walk you through a pleasant image, or instruct you to focus on your breathing, or other calming things. Listening to nature sounds, like rain, helps me sometimes too.

Search for "guided meditation" or "guided imagery" on YouTube and options will come up for anxiety, for depression, for many different things.

Hope this is helpful...it's something to try, at least. Perhaps if you're listening to something soothing, those thoughts won't be so strong. Just a thought. Best wishes

DBT

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/