Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello everyone,
my name is Ashley and I'm very new to this site, I hope everyone is having a good morning/night so far. I recently graduated college and moved back home with my step mom who has now decided she wants a life without me. There were very harsh words thrown at me all the time and it seemed like she only wanted me there to help with my little sister who I've baisically been taking care of since I moved back home. Yesterday after an argument I decided to pack my things and try life on my own. I know she would let me come back home if I needed to but I've been told to get out so many times I'm not sure if it's worth it.
I feel very alone and scared although I've been away to college I had a great support system there. But now that I've moved back home I have no one, my friends and don't know much about my life back home and when I finally told them they were t very supportive of me and I don't have any other family that I could turn to. (It's been like that a majority of my life).
I apologize if this message triggers anyone, like I said I'm new to this. I'm just trying to find some peace of mind in all of this, I know eventually I'll be okay I just feel so many different emotions just 2 months ago I was in school with a job my own place to stay and friends and now I have no job staying on a couch at my god brother's and no one to talk to.
Maybe it's for the best.
You are still young and still in school without a permanent job or fixed accommodation. If I were you, I would bide my time and acknowledge your stepmom's authority. Do what she tells you, and stay in the family home until you go back to college, and until you graduate from college and have found a job with a steady income to support yourself. Don't fall into your stepmom's trap. Ignore her sarcasm and bickering, and laugh off all the insults. If she tells you to leave, tell her that this is your father's house, and you have every right to be in his home and play with his children. If you leave the house to live among strangers, you have no money, no steady income, no job, no accommodation, and no protection from your father against COVID and the malice of strangers. Go back to the family home, and pretend that nothing has happened. Develop a thick skin, and play smart.
It is possible that step mother is no good for you. Not even 'for now', but given the choices, she is the best thing.
You mention a younger sister. Is she a 1/2 sister or is she a step daughter too? I am wondering how old she is.
I can only suggest you talk to her and try to improve things as much as possible and go back to her place. Then, an INTENSE job search. I hope you have your own transportation. Even that requires in income ... registration and car insurance.
I am sorry there is no one to help you get started in 'life on your own'. It is a huge step, and I think it is ridiculous that colleges do not help graduates ... but that is another story.
We will try to help as much as we can. There is a GOVERNMENT agency that MIGHT be a solution. I don't know a lot about it, but you can check it out here:
https://www.jobcorps.gov/
also ... Google working abroad US as there are many opportunities for US college grads to work in foreign countries.
I too am curious of where your father is in all of this. Have both of your parents passed?
It’s a very weird family dynamic but overall she has a new boyfriend and I think she’s ready to live her life without me in it just my little sister and her although she told me just a week ago she wanted me to stay and she would help me
There is a good chance that a lot of her resentment is actually towards your father and not you. Unfortunately you are the one that is right in front of her, so that’s where it comes out.
From what I can glean from what you said, it sounds like the two of you care about each other.
Can you ask college to give you a loan, or at least help you to find a job? Sometimes a simple reference from a college professor would help you to get through the door of a reputable company. I would advise you to put up with your stepmom until you can find a stable job and income. Contact your biological mother to see if she can help you, and check to see if she has cleaned up her act. Or you can volunteer in a company to introduce yourself to the company executives so that they can observe and see your potential to hire you whenever there is a vacancy. Or find some temp work e.g in the supermarket, in a hospital, in the postal services..... where there would be vacancies. I know these jobs are low brow but at least you have an income to survive whilst you are looking for a permanent job more suitable for your education.
You are a strong person. You manage to finish college and get a degree and made money.
Don't let a setback make you feel helpless like you did as a child when you needed to depend on your caretakers for love and physical support.
Sometimes as adults if we grew in homes- where we were use to being abandoned...physically or emotionally...we end up taking setbacks 10x harder than the average person.
Take this as an opportunity to learn how to be there for yourself minus the friends, minus the family. The self reliance, belief in yourself, and your abilities will greatly grow from this situation. Take it as a challenge, and I have no doubt with the right mindset...you will be in your own place with a new job...in no time.
I can tell there's a great survivor instinct in you, along with empathy, and self awareness...that has prevented you from falling into self destruction from having abusive/unstable parents.
You can do this...you have done this in worst circumstances and you will grow from this.
Sending you light and love...and positivity!
I’m so sorry you are going through a rough time right now. Welcome to the group and congratulations on your college graduation!
“...although she told me just a week ago she wanted me to stay and she would help me.” Your step mom cares for you so I think it’s better for you to stay with her until you can find a job and you are able to stand on your own.
I pray that your relationship with your step mom will go well and you will find the job you need. Keep us posted. We are here for you.