Hi group.  For the time being I am using my pen name Laurie Alice Thompson, not my real name.  The last time I spilled it to an online group, a certain person in my life looked me up and gave me the third degree.  I am writing a book.  Not about me.  I am still debating on whether I want to publish under this name, or under my real name.

Enough about that.  Why am I using an online support group?  Well, much like the rest of you, I am dealing with a lot right now and don’t have many to turn to for support.  Maybe advice from someone who doesn’t know me would be better.

The biggest part of my problem is that I lost my mother six years ago.  My mom was the rock of our family.  She did everything for everyone.  When she got sick, the rest of the family (aunts, uncles, etc.) were so quick to throw out the “If you ever need anything, let us know.”  Yeah.  That is until we needed something.

My dad’s idea of support is money.  Sometimes he gives it.  Most of the time he complains about it.  But most of the time, that’s not what I want anyway.  His encouragement is more important to me.  He acts interested in what I’m doing, but I can see right through him and can tell that it’s just an act.  And my brother is just as bad.  Anything that doesn’t directly benefit him is an inconvenience.

I go to college full time, while working full time.  Very difficult, but I usually come out of it making decent grades.  My brother has his kids on the weekend and neither he or my dad tries to keep them quiet.  Then they take offense and think I am being anti-social when I leave to go to the library.  I feel that they don’t care about my education and just expect me to go from one dead end job to another as long as I am making enough to contribute to my part of the household bills.

My temp job at the art museum on campus is fulltime, but a permanent part time position is about to open up soon.  The supervisors suggested that I apply for it, nearly hinting that I’d get it if I wanted it.  Then last week, the manager of the juvenile detention center that I used to work at asked me to come back and if I had to work part time, with my other job, I could.  I would go back to my overnight shift, but I think juggling that, the part time job at the museum and trying to keep up with school and finding time to sleep will be very difficult.  Especially, when the other members of my household don’t respect those needs.  If I took the part time position at the museum, I would definitely have to pick up a part time job elsewhere, because I would not be able to afford living on part time pay.  I am wanting to move back on my own when our lease is up in June.  That is one of my top goals for this year, but that will definitely not happen with just a part time job.  It’s unfortunate that that’s all they have right now, because I like working at the museum and the people I work with.  However, I am still looking for a permanent full time job elsewhere, preferably on campus, so I get the benefit of tuition assistance.

I am a security guard at the art museum and I walk anywhere from 4-5 miles a day.  I was diagnosed with tendonitis in my left ankle in 2012.  I just got back on ObamaCare insurance, so I will go back to the orthopedic doctor soon and see what my options are, because the boot they put me in in 2012 for four weeks, worked and they said I could go without it.  It’s fine when I don’t do a lot of walking, but the beginning of December, I started wearing the boot again, because walking all day at work causes a lot of discomfort when I get home, which can last for days.  Wearing the boot and taking three Aleve in the morning before I leave, helps that, but the boot is rubbing on my foot and I don’t think the pump works anymore.  Also, I have had some days when I felt that I sprained my ankle while wearing the boot because it was not tight enough, or fitting properly.  Honestly, at this point, I just want to go to the doctor and say “Fix it.  Do whatever you have to do to fix it, so I don’t have to wear this stupid, uncomfortable thing anymore, and have a normal day for a change.”

I am also having a problem with depression.  I feel that it is getting really bad lately, with the ankle, other physical pain that I am experiencing, the stuff at home, and school all being stressful.  But going to school and seeing my graduation happening next year, successfully completing my degree, is the only thing that is keeping me going.  If I lose that, I really have nothing else because once again, I have failed at life.  I do have my book that I am working on and numerous other ideas that I have written down to turn into future novels, which is great and could make me some extra money, but getting my degree and having a realistic career goal is my biggest thing.

Well, I guess I will end it here.  I look forward to hearing back from you.

Thanks for listening.

LAT