Can't say that I know how you feel, but I can see that you need to stand strong while this process plays out. Life will have some twist and turns, and at times totally off the rails. The sooner you are able to get this person out, all the better. Your girls are watching every move and lack of attention by him. You deserve to have some peace within, even through loneliness and hard decisions. Wishing you much confidence and success. You can do this, I know you can.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so down.

You mentioned lack of confidence in your decision making abilities. You just made a VERY import decision in your life, to break with your spouse and fix your life.

That is a HUGE THING!

The problem with the way depression makes us see our self confidence is that we see the good decisions as "no brainers" and our bad decisions as "monumental failures". Both are incorrect! We all are human, we all make good and bad decisions. You have set out to fix a bad situation and that takes courage.

I am sorry that your mother is passive aggressive with you. My MIL, who lives with my wife and me, is like that. She is a nice person, but that passive aggressive thing can be quite annoying. But I've found a way to deal with it. I take the vague things that she says and tell her to make specific statements.

For example, (I do most of the cooking) my wife and I like mac-n-cheese made from scratch. She told me that it takes too long and I should just do what everybody else does, make it from a box. I told her (calmly) that my wife and I like it that way. If she does not like it that way then she needs to tell me that, but that she should not decide for me how much time I should and should not spend making dinner.

There are better days ahead of you, and I think you know that. There are also some hard days ahead of you. But you can navigate them, and we will be here to listen to you, and give ideas (some good and some not so good), but most of all we are here to say that we get depression!

You need to get the stbx out of your house. It is doing no one any good him being there. Your children are old enough to help around the house. People might not think a 3 year old can do much but they can help clear the table after meals. They can put toys away. The 9 year old can help put dishes away. You may have to give up the idea of a perfect house. Once I did that the stress level decreased. You have a full time job so you are ahead of the game already. You have made decisions for the betterment of yourself and your children. Don't think about what you did in the past, think about what you can do in the future.

As for your mom. You will not be able to change her. You have to accept the fact that your relationship with her is not going to be typical of other people. My mother is an alcoholic. I can't change that. I can only change how I interact with her. That is all you can do. Protect your children and yourself by limiting exposure to her. Still be her daughter, but have boundaries.

Thank God for your children. You are a strong woman to do what you are doing and need to give yourself a lot of confidence and to believe in yourself. I'm sorry that your ex is treating you and his own children so poorly. He will regret it someday and if not, I truly believe in Karma. I had an ex who physically abused my granddaughter and Karma bit him in the ass. Many hugs Gramybear

Selfcare doll! Even when its hard. Have a nail painting party. Noones might look fantastic but it will be uplifting. If ur girls are girlie look up at home facial stuff. They are old enough to sit for a couple mins with a warm towel on their face and you can too. Bubble baths for everyone... pj party. I once took the laptop into the backyard (it picked up net bk there) made popcorn and we watched movies on a blanket in the bkyard. Pulled the van bk there to use the cord when it needed charge. Get creative. Esp when you are down. They will be too. Keep up the good work. *powerpose* you got this ;)

Thank you for all of your support and encouragement. I am trying to turn my thoughts around and think more positively. Focusing on the good.

The bottom line is I need him out of the house. It's emotionally taking it's toll on me and the girls.

I just found out that our 1st 4-way mtg with our attorneys was set for November 5th! I flipped! Called my atty and asked why so far off?? All of our papers have been submitted, we both have taken the required parenting class, the 90 day waiting period was up august 26th... So why the delay?! He's already made it clear he is Not moving out until the divorce is final. And the thought of another 4+ months and another round of holidays is devastating :((

I'm hoping that mtg can be moved up. I'm sure we'll need more than 1 mtg. ... He was never easy going while we were married, so I can expect him to be a selfish hard ass during the divorce as well.

We're now trying to work out an arrangement with my girls and he's fighting for more than the typical - every other weekend and one day, for dinner, during the week. I'm a wreck. It's not healthy for them to be juggled back and forth. They're in school. They have their routines. He's a selfish stubborn SOB. I'm hoping the atty can help make this go smoothly.

Please say prayers for my girls

I will most definitely pray for your children. When I went through my divorce with my boys father, it was hell but thank the Lord, I didn't have to live with him during the process. I also was blessed because he didn't show up to court so I ended up with soul custody. The point I really want to drive home here, mainly to him, is that if he says negative things about you to his children, he is not only going to be sorry down the line, but he is going to hurt those children, and in the end they will know the truth and he will lose them because he is a cruel man. You are not lacking confidence, you just don't know which road to travel at the moment. Listen to your gut, it's rarely wrong. Turn to us for all the support and advice we can possibly give you. You can never vent too much, or share too much. We are here for you. Hugs Gramybear