Hi Tinfoil. I am an old lady who has avoidant personality and depression too. Maybe I can give you some ideas. Being isolated with dysfunctional people is not good for you. One source of support is a local women's domestic violence shelter. You move there and the staff helps you with finding work, support from other women who are recovering, food, clothes etc. It is one place to start. While you are still home hit the library and start learning what is unhealthy and healthy behavior. You will need to be with healthier people to practice skills in communicating in a safe way. I don't know your skills but sometimes you can work for someone and live on site with a small wage. It would be a way to be on your own and plan your future. realize it will take time to "unlearn" what you have learned from family. The fact that you have not flourished is not your fault. But you have a whole new life you can plan and start. Start thinking about what you want to do. Ask librarians about books, call a shelter, find low cost or free support groups. Volunteer with pets or food banks to meet nice people. I often listen to positive message videos on you tube and play them when I go to sleep. A voice telling you good things feels really good. Take care of you....

I agree that you need to get out and get on your own. What kind of job would you like to have? Do you have any skills that you can put to work?

I agree with battelon1114 you need to go to the library and get some books my husband is a sociopath almost the same as a narcissist constant put downs towards me not the kids thank god struggling myself to find work and get out if you have a social disorder you can take on line classes that are cheap and focus on a career path of you don't have any means of money a battered shelter for women is a good idea

Hi everyone, thank you for your encouragement and suggestions, it's very kind of you. I know that the longer I live with my family the more damaging it will be; to be honest sometimes I feel like my soul is already dead and I'm just a breathing shell. I don't think a shelter would be an option for me because I have a dog who is my entire world and the only living thing that loves me. I know it seems silly to plan my life around a pet, but honestly without him I don't see much of a reason to live. Back in January I made plans to end my life - I drove 1,000 miles with my dog, planning to find him a new home and then drive out to the desert to commit suicide - but I just couldn't go through with it. He's very attached to me and I worry he would die of grief if I killed myself or disappeared, so I know I have to keep living.

I did just schedule an appointment to start going to therapy again - I've been going most of my life, but two years ago I kind of just gave up. Unsurprisingly, my life has only gotten worse since I stopped so I know I need to go back and try again. I'm also considering medication, thought I've been on every antidepressant imaginable since the age of 10 and literally none of them have helped.

Ironically enough, I will be graduating with my bachelor's in behavioral science at the end of the summer. I used to want to be a counselor or psychologist, and while I'd still love to help people I'm nowhere near strong enough or stable enough to put that degree to use right now. Most of the work I've done has been in customer service, which has been quite traumatizing. For 6 years I worked at a laundromat, and it was in a pretty rough area, so the customers could be quite rude and even threatening. I stayed until I couldn't take it one second longer, but I think I should have left sooner because now I am terrified of going through the same thing at another job. I have been filling out applications to positions I think I could handle, so hopefully something will work out.

I do think I will try volunteering at an animal shelter so I can try to meet some nice people. I think I attract a lot of unkind people in my life because they can sense how weak and vulnerable I am, so I want to try harder to have more positive interactions with others. Thank you all again for caring enough to respond!

Volunteering sounds like a great way to start.

I just have to ask: which came first, the chicken or the egg? I know someone who only found out after he left home that he wasn't sickly; his mother had had munchausen by proxy.

Sometimes the context you are in gives you the 'symptoms' the doctor diagnoses. and 10 yrs old is very young to be being dragged off to shrinks.

anyway thumbs up on the pet sanctuary work! Very, very good start. You have to build yourself up strong enough to escape. And as you get related to like a human being you might find what is inside you changes. lol.

I had no friends and was isolated and 'a freak' for decades, till I got away from a bad marriage. Sometimes what you think is keeping you safe is actually the thing that is killing you.

I definitely agree with Battleon1114. You have got to get out of that environment. Seems like that is the one huge thing that has not changed and until it does, not much else you do will help as much as it could. Definitely make that your first goal. Since you are looking around online for support here is something I think can be very helpful. http://bit.ly/2faPdiG Definitely keep sharing with us on here also. By the way your feelings for our dogs is not silly at all. Our pets are just as much apart of us and our family as any other member.