because of recent events i felt the need for a support group. but to my surprise theres so many different support groups and i just feel the need to integrate myself in here.
ive dealt with my depression for 13 years now. it all started when i was 14 and my parents decided to difforce. 
it wasnt as much the difforce that broke me but the way my mother left us to deal with our own issues.
in years following a list of potential love interests for my parents was searched through with bad people popping up everywhere.
addicts some way younger than my mom and hitting on me and my sister, financial unstable people that nearly completely bankrupted my dad before he saw the light. 
until my dad found one he stuck with. theyre still "happily married" she decided i wasnt brought up as supposed to and hard handedly tried to teach me the manners she thought i should have. im just naming a few because f*ck that. 
1. no singing during dinner
2. leaving not a single crumb on the counter after making a sandwich
3. from my 15th until my breakingfree at age 18 i had no acces to a computer or internet what so ever because the router would be behind a locked door only my dad and her had acces to.

after spending my very first salary on make up and fun stuff she decided she would take my card and monitor what money i spend.
so i ended up having 20 euros a week of my 300 euro salary 

in a way this doesnt seem like the end of the world and i guess some would be fine.
i managed to survive it with alot of balme put on me if i left even just a tiny breadcrumb on the counter and the basic thing i learned to say was sorry. every minute every day.
to some point i was being their waiter, housekeeper, cleaninglady because i was so good at scrubbing the toilet or the stove. i would come home and there would be 4 post its worth of tasks i had to finish before they came home. sometimes she would elaborate and say "dont do it like that but like this" "do it better than last time" and ofcourse she would find a bit of dust rolling around in the corner of the livingroom and i would have to vacuum the entire house all over again. she was terrorrizing and still is.
ive managed to keep things friendly to avoid fights and i contact them every other week. 
if i dont.. all hell breaks loose.

my breaking free at 18 was more of them kicking me out because i spoke up.. and i ended up living with my boyfriend at the time who was 8 years older and without my knowledge was a cocaine addict. 
i didnt really have a choice than to stay with him when i found out because my dad thought i was disrespectful, my mom was too busy trying to make a living and have her boyfriend on the other side of the country.
i lived in his house and he would simply dissapear for days and from time to time stuff would dissapear. i bougt a laptop with my first ever salary to my own bank account i made (the other one still open and in hands of my stepmom, also this was legal as i signed an agreement stupid me) and my laptop vanished from one day to the other. this went on for a year before i had the guts to end it and start living with my mom. she helped me find a place for myself and i had two more toxic relationships after that but keeping myself clean of drugs (im really proud of this).
then i met my current boyfriend and he has finally helped me take back my financial account from my stepmom.
we moved to another country together and we only see them twice a year now. im happier. and then we both lost our incomes.. his mom died. we are rolling into dept and theres no bright light at the end of the tunnel
im dreading that i may have to go back to find a job and pay for the both of us. but since i have no place to go in my country i may have to move back in with my dad. my mom cant have us. she lives with her now disabled husband in a tiny house.