Emotional abuse it just as bad if not worse than physical abuse in my opinion. That's an environment you and your child definitely don't need to be in. His niceness when you try to leave is just him emotionally manipulating you into staying. Don't let him keep you in an unhealthy situation. If you feel like you need space and time apart, then do it. I know change can be scary but it'll be worth it. And don't worry about the things you'll take and leave behind. Like you said, they are just things. Your mental health is so much more important. I wish you the best.

Thank you :)

I'm taking to my therapist tomorrow

You're very welcome. That's a great idea to talk to your therapist about it. I hope it goes well.

Me too I just need it and it's hard to choose when my head isn't here

Yeah don't buy into the 'he abuses you emotionally' routine. You probably abuse him emotionally too. It's not a constructive way of looking at things; finding one bad guy and punishing them. There are 2 bad guys here, or none. But not just one.

what is a useful way of looking at things is that you two are not managing to communicate. And he's panicking when you threaten to leave. That would put him as the victim and you the abuser if we changed everyone's gender here, which is why finding someone to name as an abuser is not an okay thing to do. You're both doing your own personal bests here. And communication is not happening. So you need to learn how to communicate. and to do that you need couples counselling. Learning how to communicate without triggering each other's defense mechanisms. Learning that each other HAS defence mechanisms. Finding out why.

Learn this, work it, and see how happy you all are. If you find yourselves happy, you can continue. If you feel you are not suited, you can split amicably, giving each other fair divvy up of belongings, amicably arranging who will have the child when. Running around breaking up when things are going bad is not grownup. It's not responsible.

Both of you have to try your hardest, and then see where that gets you. But no finger pointing. Neither of you has all the answers. Both of you needs to learn. You're in this together.

I wish I could advise but I myself have endured years of abuse. With someone I thought I loved. Ending in myself going to jail for leaving her she beat herself and called the police on me. If your not happy just leave it only gets worse

As far as the relationship goes.. just know that no fruitful relationship is a walk in the park. you will have all kinds of hills and valleys; possibly even mountains to climb. However, if you truly do feel like you need to have your own place then sit down and communicate that with him so that he knows exactly where you guys are at emotionally and in the relationship; then do whatever you feel is best. you need to be emotionally whole in order to be your best, so if you need a little space to do that, then go for it.