Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
A while ago I was working with a life coach friend of mine. He told me that everything I say and post seems to be geared towards trying to get people to like me. That always bothered me. Not that he said it, but that I may be doing that. Last week, my therapist said I seem to be desperate for love and validation. She did say that it is probably because I did not get it growing up. And I have been told by someone that I am a huge fake and she does not know why anybody likes me. That person is no longer in my life...so no worries there. But the rest of it bugs me. I agree that I do not feel very loved by the people that are supposed to love me. And who doesn't want to be loved and validated!! But I do not want that spilling over into everything I say!
Do I come off like that? How do I fix it??
Do I come off like that? How do I fix it??
Not that I have noticed .. but I have a very 'vertical' exposure to you. You MIGHT ... repeat .. MIGHT come off like that to others who spend/have spend more time with you.
>> How do I fix it??
IF ... repeat .. IF it needs fixing, I think you will have to listen closely to yourself ... and try VERY HARD to put yourself in the place of who you are talking/relating to ... so you can validate what you are doing. At that point, you should be able to modify .. whatever you choose to change ... if anything.
I would bet you are quite lovable.
I remember from 1987 a therapist told me that I am not capable of loving another until I love myself. Really! This right after having my first baby. Then telling me that maybe loving my child will help me love myself. That's a contradiction. I stopped seeing that therapist after about five sessions. What the heck! Our pets even need love and validation. You are a beautiful person (I read your profile). We have similarities. And I will take that to mean we are both beautiful people.
What if I had to put up with ME everyday? I honestly have to say that I wouldn't be ABLE to. I am very needy. I worry constantly....I ALWAYS need validation from like 5 people before I will even make a decision.
I ruminate over and over..the point is....before I looked at myself I was very pissed off at the person that offended me. But, after I looked at myself and my behaviors and actions....I have some empathy for that person putting up with ME at all....LOL
However, I may be difficult...but I will not tolerate someone being crude or mean to me...so its good that you axed that person who said you were a fake!
We all want love and validation. The only way I see it as a problem is when we try to get those needs met by doing things that are bad for us or go against our values. For example when I met my boyfriend I was vegetarian, but he loves eating meat, so I started eating meat too, even though my religion says not to eat meat. I get so mad at myself for making that compromise! Or other times when I stayed in a bad relationship cause I was afraid to be alone (but who hasn't done that?!)
Being motivated by wanting to be liked is not necessarily a bad thing, when you consider that some people are motivated to dominate other people, or put them down, or have power over them, or to feel like they are better or more important than other people. (I'm thinking of some of my coworkers LOL). My dad always needed to prove that he was smarter than everyone and it really prevented him for connecting with people on a more genuine level (plus it made us all feel bad!!)
BTW your posts never seem needy or attention-seeking ;)
I know that my depression not only makes me say very bad things to myself, and I've noticed myself saying things to friends that I would hate hearing from them because I love them. Not to mention when I'm in my lower moods and just whine and complain...
Therefore, I agree with WV, listen to what you say and see what it sounds like to you, and what it would sound like to someone else. I need to do that too.