how sad you must feel, not being able to help him like you want, you haven't failed at anything.. unfortunatley all you can do you have done.. be supportive and try to get him in the right direction, the rest is up to him.. sometimes people have to hit bottom before they get help, hopefully he wont go that far.

Hello
Is he on medication?

#1 - You should not contemplate stuff like divorce, separation, etc., unless BOTH of you are in a stable state of mind and body. Obviously, that's not the current case.

So both of you need to get as close to "normal" as possible before contemplating major life changes.

#2 - Counseling is the best available source for improving the mind and heart.

#3 - A physician consultation is the best source for addressing those physical concerns.

It's safe to say all of these concerns you have won't be addressed 100% on the same day. Time is the other factor. Take one issue at a time - perhaps counseling first. It didn't work in the past? MAKE IT WORK in the present! Your marriage and your livelihood depend on it.

I spent decades trying to deal with the depression myself; I think you need to talk honestly with him and get him to seek professional help. People here can give support and caring, but anyone depressed really needs some professional help, too.

Your hubby is so fortunate to have you, you sound so caring and supportive.

He's not on medication and I have suggested counseling. I am even willing to go with him for support. He does not think that he needs it. I thought anger was the worse thing about depression but this isolation crap really hurts.

Bring in close family members and/or friends whom BOTH of you respect and see if a roundtable discussion among all of you could help him lean toward seeking help. Find examples of folks you know or don't know who have been helped through counseling, etc. Find an area of life he enjoys, like sports, and research athletes histories to find inspiring stories of sports stars who got their lives back on track through counseling, etc. Doesn't have to be sports - maybe businessmen, politicians or entertainers whom he admires and respects.

He needs to see that proof exists.

this is certainly a difficult situation....do you suspect he is being honest with you? do you know what is going on with him???? Counseling is great but you cant make him go, what is he telling you about his depression. it is just me, but it sounds like there is something missing here???????

Wow, I feel for you. Depression is hard on those who have it, and sometimes harder still on those who love them.

The right medication can make a world of difference. ALso, a good counselor or therapist is great for releasing anger and stress, and finding out why it's happening. I wish you and your husband peace ((((hugs))))

Here are some comments from a depressed man, take them at face value because I know next to nothing about your specific situation!

1) COUNSELING! If he won't go, then go by yourself!

2) I know it is giving into stereo-types, but men and women use silence in conversations differently. Personally I like silent time to formulate a reply; decode what was said; calm down or otherwise adjust my emotions; or work up the courage to respond. It buggs me when my wife doesn't get that, and keeps talking!

3) Try to find a depression free part of your relationship that you two can spend time in. Perhaps a favorite movie, walking the dog, or ???

4) Anger goes with depression. He may think he is angry with you, but until he can get it out he will not be able to really understand what he is angry at.

Best of luck to you. I hope you two work things out.

I sympathize with your situation. I'm sorry I can't really help because I'm so absorbed in my own depression. I can tell you that I've always longed for someone to listen and sympathize. I've never had that. He probably needs that.

He is being honest with me. He has dealth with this pretty much his whole life. When I first me him he was a shell of a man. I have been able to pull him through many tough times but I am really having a hard time understanding this isolation. Our 8 yrs. together have been the happiest that's he's ever been until this last year of isolation.

I totally agree with the suggestion to go to counseling yourself if he won't go with you. You are suffering too. {{{hugs}}}

JEM you must encourage him to get some medication sorted.

He may have to try a few different types before finding one that works for him but at this stage for your sake and for his it is essential.

Once this is sorted you can work on ways to lift his mood.

No positive thinking etc will work a jot until he is sorted chemically in the first instance.

Put it to him this way - if he was diabetic and insulin dependant, would he be anti medication?

Chemical depression is just that - a chemical condition - his brain is not producing enough seratonin to keep his moods stable. (Of course he should be fully assessed to be sure this is what it is)

All prozac and its derivitives do, is replace the seratonin that the brain is no longer able to make for whatever reason.

They take around 6 weeks to kick in fully and they don't suddenly make you feel fabulous, what they do is clear your head so you can think straight and level your moods.

From there it is up to you (in your case, your husband) to work at ways to improve the way he thinks - positive thinking techniques, exercise etc)

Good luck :-) Hope this helps.

I don't know if your hubby would appreciate other family members being involved, but would you consider talking to your hubbys GP and explain what's happening, this isn't fair on either of you, good luck