Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I cannot handle this anymore. I am starting to go no contact with my horrific sister even though my mom is staying with me. I also and finally at the point where I am going to kick my mom out of my house. It is really sad. These people are absolutely toxic to me. I am extrememly upset tonight. How in the hell did I wind up with such an evil family? My mother is elderly and will not last long on her own. they have sucked me dry financially, emotionally, physically. I have nothing left to give. It is really hard when an elderly person is toxic to you because they are so vulnerable and dependent but i simply cannot do it anymore. I asked my fucking rotten mother to fill out a simple application to so she could get help with transportation. I explained how that would help me out a lot. This was three months ago. I have reminded her several times after that. tonight I asked if she had done it and she said no and then started to say she was losing her voice so she wouldn't have to talk to me about it. I lost it. I hung up on her /she is currently staying at my rich bitch sister's house because she was pet sitting for them when they were on their fourth vacation of the year. my sister has been lying, manipulating, gaslighting, etc. tonight she tried to bait me into a fight again to get her narc supply. i didn't respond. she is going to try to use that against me but it's preferable to me to have no contact. she is absolutely vile. she has been stealing family property out of my mother's house and not telling anyone which i just found out about. the list goes on and on.
i'm really done. i could care less about my sister and would be thrilled to never talk to her again but my mom is a huge problem. there is no point in trying to enlist my sister or deadbeat brother to try to figure out what to do with her. last time i tried to talk to my brother about all this via email he simply didn't respond and my sister is a sadist narc so i am on my own and my mother will take no action on her own behalf. it's like they are all dead weight and worse just dragging me down into my grave laughing all the way.
i think what i am going to do is call the clinic and try to get an appointment with a social worker or doctor to get her evaluated and get help with figuring out what to do with her. I have been trying to hang on but i just can't anymore. i just can't. i don't know what else to do. I would hire an attorney to deal with them but i can't afford it.
my mom is my only friend or at least i thought she was. i guess she's not. i guess she never was. fuck. what an awful night. i need to withdraw into myself and stop thinking about them entirely. i need to try to calm down. take some deep breaths. it's not my fault my mom doesn't love me. does that mean i am unloveable? i have no other "love" except from my cat.
how can families be so awful. why do monsters have kids and create more monsters?
My mother has made some poor choices in life that has left her unable to financially take care of herself. First she lived with my older brother for a couple of years (helping him pay off his house and still young enough to clean and aid around his house), then when he got tired of her. She moved in with my younger brother. that didn't last long and she was in a situation that compelled me to accept living together to help her.
of course there was the 'understanding' it'd be just until she could financially support herself (which she never could) and I got locked into sacrificing 8 years of having to take care of her as the other two brothers just pawned her off on me.
Like you I tried to handle all of my own problems and now deal with her. She would convince me to let her 'help' with the bills (all in my name, of course) since I worked so very much and have never been good with handling money. only to find out she screwed the bills up (now I know why I'm no good with money) She still to this day has no concept of the effect a late payment has on a credit score. Every attempt to get her to be self-reliant failed and every attempt to get help from my brothers fell on deaf ears. The older brother to stressed with his neurotic wife and the younger brother to paranoid protecting his fortune.
Well, I was handed an 'out'... My father is approaching 80 and degrading. He is very alone because of his alienation of his sons (they divorced when I was 3, 50 years ago). He has taken some steps to help us now by saving a small amount and owning a large two bedroom condo. But he is so very alone. so the older brother (the younger has a different dad who is rich and severed contact with his own son long ago) who my dad helps around his work from time to time, talked to my dad about mom and he agreed to let her live with him. )y fathers thoughts were of more if she's there, his family would stop by more. well of course we weren't going to.)
But I had my out, after 10 years of wasted time to start my own relationships (cant really ask anyone out and say later would you like to come over for a cup of coffee, my mom makes a good biscuit…) and took it...of course I had to confront both my brothers when time was running short for us to move and neither had lifted a finger to help her prepare. the older whining why I was upset and the younger stinging with the paranoia of his family just wanting his money. they finally did and the situation should have gotten better...right?
Well... my bills went up three-fold as well as repairing them from my mothers mistakes. Here in Salt Lake, Utah the cost of living has skyrocketed over the last decade. our government has always been very smart and we suffered the least from the 2008 crash and are one of the fastest growing cities in the country and we now pay for it dearly.
I got a good job making a decent wage but it is laborious. so its a major chore to summon energy to clean after work, tried to date and even met a nice girl, but after three weeks it was clear to me that I had lost all understanding of dating and wasn't financially (or emotionally) stable enough to continue.
So the long story short, after ten years of loathing living with her, now I find myself calling her every work day when I get off just to have someone personal to talk to before I become my dad...utterly alone.
God, I don't feel I said anything that was helpful. You are going to have to take matters into your own hand, if your mom is like mine, she'll say anything just to keep going on as normal but never really follow through. as I learned from my mom. it's not really done maliciously, my mom had run out of options and became depended on her children, she was just trying to survive...unfortunately at my expense. I hope there opens an opportunity for you both but I really think your going to have to find it.
The family thing I fear won't improve although I don't think you want it to and my concern is that you'll be alone like me. I'm doing ok, but in the 6 months living in this run-down apartment I haven't had one visitor. couldn't even bring my cats (Pixie and Ms. Miss) because it would cost too much and they'd be stuck inside alone all day. they went with my mom and are keeping her good company.
so I exchanged one set of problems for another It seems. Weighted by my depression, I'll have a day like yesterday and just waste it sitting around with no one to talk to.
I don't think your unlovable, I don't even think your mom sees you as unlovable, she's just grown dependent on you.
well, I hope something I said can help.
My mother in law lived with us for 4 years, but that was because she was nice, and we lived with that despite challenges. Your situation is different.