I'm hoping to find others here who understand how much depression can disabled your life. I want to believe there is hope to feel better and that these awful, utterly sad, hopeless feelings can somehow be relieved. I've been on antidepressants for years...have been thru much therapy, have attended Al-anon meetings for 'Adult Children of Alcoholics' x 28 yrs., have attended Grief Support groups after losing my mother and father . I pray. I'm very much alone. I have no children, no siblings and zero family left. All are deceased . I do have PTSD from a violent childhood and Panic Disorder. Even with all of that history, I want to have hope. I'm a nurse, but on Disability b/c of a back injury. I miss my job. After being my mom's sole caregiver x 5 years, my mom died (Dec 2013) and I became homeless + lost my beloved 6 y.o. Pomeranian. I survived all of that. Im no longer homeless. But I've lost friends b/c of my depression. I isolate, and feel totally empty, often panicky. I feel there is Nothing to look forward to. Actually, there isn't. My depression has cost me my relationship of 16 yrs with a man I still love. I  cannot afford therapy and am now fearful of leaving the house. I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this. I'm not suicidal, but fearsly pray to go to sleep and not wake up. I have zero motivation. Can anyone here relate to this? I don't complain, and try to hide my feelings of desperation to those around me. I've learned the hard way that people aren't interested in being around a "downer." I really hope there is HOPE. Thanks for listening to my woa's...