Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,807 Posts
2 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

Need friends

Sion
Sion
While I have a few issues I am working on right now everything seems to come back to my lack of good friends and a support system. I moved far away from home a few years back, and in that time I have only lost friends. I have made a number of casual friends but I am not close to anyone in the area. I feel so incredible alone all the time. I live with my girlfriend but we feel pretty disconnected. She has been able to make a number of friends. All of our mutual friends contacted her, not me if they want to hang out. While we are out with our friends I feel like we all get along well, but once its over they never call or text me, just her.

I feel like I am just there, I am not repulsive, but I an not really worth any extra effort ether.

I have made a couple new friends at work but over time it feels like I am once again fading into the back ground.

My therapist has been pushing me go out and find new people. They want me to challenge all the negative thoughts I have built up over the last couple years. I have tried a few different groups in the area, but have yet to contact with anyone. To make things worse whenever I do go out and try something on my own my gf gets jealous. She think I am just trying to find someone to replace her. I have explained to her how lonely I am, but she still acts very passive aggressive whenever I tried to meet new people.

I guess I just wanted to vent, but if any one has any advise on ways to meet new people I would love to hear it, thanks.
gramybear
gramybear
Have you thought about volunteering somewhere that you would enjoy, to meet new people?. Passive/Aggressive people are extremely hard to deal with because they don't say what they mean and mean what they say. I have been in relationships with passive/aggressive people and it's not an easy relationship to have. She is not worried except about herself. She has all these friends that seem to call and text her, so why should she worry? She has you right where she wants you; alone. That is not a healthy way to live. She needs to understand that you have every right to have friends as she does and that you are not out looking for a 'replacement ' as she seems to think. If she continues to distrust you, it's going to be a very long road to go down. I think what bothers me the most about your post is that you seem to have low self esteem and I hate to see that in a person. I am sure you are a great person with a lot going on. . I hope you will find it okay to feel worthy of yourself. Hugs GB
deleted_user
deleted_user
Anyone you allow to be close to you (as in a gf) should have your trust and sympathize and/or empathize with your challenges. Whether or not the gf you now have fits those parameters is up to you to decide. That aside, my opinion based on what you told me, is that I would dump her. Just expressing my feeling if I were on the receiving end of that gun.

As for your attempts at making friends, you might need to give more thought to what kind of groups you are trying. The typical groups may not be for you from the get go because they don't match your personality to begin with.

For example - the typical/popular choices are groups involved in fitness or in socializing in a an environment that has alcohol. If, at your heart, you're really not that kind of person then you will likely not form lasting friendships with them. Think about what truly interests you, even if the choice is something like crocheting or bird watching then go for it. I'm not making judgments on any of the groups I listed, I'm just trying to point out that certain personalities will be attracted to certain activities and I think it is worth thinking about. I joined Karate because I loved the sport and the tradition behind it but in retrospect it was silly of me to think I would not run into really aggressive personalities in such a group. It was not a good match for my personality.

Anyway, just sharing some thoughts. Hope the gf and friend situation make a turn for the better.
drew4lostluv
drew4lostluv
Your girlfriend is insecure. I wouldn't dump her though. Do you love her? If not then I do suggest getting out.
Crispymomma
Crispymomma
A few months ago I found myself in a really low place one day. After an anxiety attack, I started looking around at my life. I had never felt so lonely until that moment. I didn't think that I had anyone in the remote area that we had moved to. I couldn't think of anyone that I wasn't related to that I was close to. The funny thing was that the next few days I started reaching out to a few of the people I had met around here that I found nice and/or interesting.

I found that when I started reaching out to some of these casual friends that I had made that they actually really wanted to be closer friends with me and had thought that I was distant and had not tried harder with me. I had allowed my although minor depression in the scheme of things to disconnect me from making deeper friends.

You may have a potential great friend already in those casual friends you mentioned. Pick one of them and just suggest going to watch a game or bowling or whatever guys do when they want to hang out. My man plays video games, but I am not sure if that is normal : ) But his best friend likes to come over and they play.

I was actually really shocked when one of the casual friends that I had made 3 years ago was so willing to not only hang out with me, but has become one of the single best people in my life since. Look around... you may not be as lonely as you think.
gustokitty
gustokitty
Hi. My take was similar to pescadors cmmt in that, first and foremost, the negative and out of touch relationship with your gf doesn't sound healthy. You need to take a look at that. Your profile says male, if this is correct I can understand the "keeping in touch" being more of the feminine thing. I don't want to come off sexist but to me guys usually bond over something, like sports, or some household, or outdoor project. I've admired those relationships from afar. Women don't seem to do that as much. Though maybe its not feminine/masculine, maybe it's just people. Anyway. . . It is not entirely clear to me what is going on. If you were female, then I could see the concern about your gf getting texts and calls, but if your male, I'm not sure why you would expect that from the women. If men are also calling and texting her, and she gets jealous and worried about you trying to make friends, then...sounds like you'd wanna look a little closer at her schedule and again your relationship. If you are going out to make friends with women, and she only has the female counterpart in the friends contacting her, then she is right. What are you doing? All around, it seems like you are not amongst the right people for yourself. Do find what you enjoy, and take part in the activity.