Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I went through serious medical depression for about a year or so and for half of the time nobody knew. It started around February of 2016. I couldn't explain it but there was just a sense of dread that always followed me. It was so overwhelming but I couldn't tell anybody. I was the smart funny kid. The one that everyone thinks has everything. Like I had it made. And if I told anyone I felt like they would just tell me I was sensitive or that i had it good. And I couldn't tell my parents either. They have never really understood me. I've always pretended to be what they wanted to me to be, which is basically my sister who is an Ivy League student and the smartest kid to ever come out of my school/city. So I kept quiet and acted like nothing was wrong. And I held that in for six months. And then I found out I would be moving to Pennsylvania. My hopes were up. Maybe this is what was going to get me through this. Maybe I was going to finally feel happy! Long story short it didn't work out and at the last minute we moved back. I was in the same spot where i was before just worse. That's when I finally told somebody about my depression. It was a group of friends that I don't really know if I should've told. That's when things got really bad. I only felt worse and worse. It seemed like things in my life were crashing and it was some sort of kharma for telling someone about what was happening to me (I still have problems communicating my feelings because of this). This was the first time where I contemplated suicide as an actual option. At one point I had planned it all out and planned on going through with it until plans got in the way. The feeling of being that close to death was something that still haunts me. Not because of how bad it felt but because of how good it felt. I'm not sure what's more scary. Soon after that I told my dad. My dad is a psychologist and after long talks he highly suggested anti-depressants. This coming from my father who won't let me eat buttered popcorn in fear of cancer. Soon after I told my dad my whole family knew. A year of depression without telling anyone broken. That's when things seemed to get better. And that leads to today. The problem is I feel like i did a year ago around this time. And I feel like at any time I can fall into depression again. It's a part of me now. And I don't want it to be. I haven't ever told my story out loud or in text so I needed to share that. I know it was kind of complicated but thanks if you read it.
What you are going through sounds really hard and lonely. I wonder if you should seek some kind of professional help outside of your Dad since he is so close to you? I have noticed that with my depression it's usually sources from outside my family that help to alleviate it maybe because a component of some depression (for instance mine) is related to my family. sorry I am writing this in kind of a convoluted what I am super tired. I think reaching out like you are here and to people you feel comfortable with and who understand is maybe a step in the right direction. I know it's never easy. I have had a tendency to depression my whole life. I know how painful and lonely and scary if feels. I hope you keep posting here. I've gotten a lot of good support on this site. Also, I have called the national suicide hotline a number of times when I have gotten really low and they are nice and will talk to you and you don't have to actually be suicidal to call, they will talk to you if you need to talk. The people I have talked to have been very understanding and helpful. It was hard for me at first to call them but after I did it a few times it didn't feel as weird. Take care.