Oh Honey,

My Heart Just Breaks For You.
As A Mom, I Know How Hard It Is To See Your Child In Trouble.

I Would Do ANYTHING To Help My Child................ ANYTHING!!!!
Even If It Meant Going Against My Husband's Wishes.

Good Luck To You And Your Son.

Why did your husband blow up at you? I think you should do whatever you can to help your son and that the surgery is a great idea. Hopefully it works out.

You are totally right and it breaks my heart to hear you and your son are suffering so much.

Can you pay for any treatment to help him lose the weight before the surgery, as you've said he doesn't eat so much, but could you pay for a gym membership? See a dietician? If not pay, could you go with him to the gym if that is possible? Could you help him cook meals that are healthier? Often (and I hope I am not overstepping things here) people grow larger because they have low self esteem (although you've said he doesn't comfort eat etc) would it be worth him seeing someone for that?

You are totally right to offer to pay for the surgery, it will give him hope and a purpose and as you say, I too could never let someone I care about die when I could help. Your husband was wrong to blow up.

I'm not sure why he blew up exactly, except that he thinks my son is a bit spoiled which he is but not that bad and we have helped him a lot. He's a great guy but he and my first son have never been very close and I guess he thinks we should discuss it first but when I already know what the answer will be why bother. Doesn't matter though cause he would have had the same reaction if I'd said I'm thinking about making that promise.

He knows I don't make a promise especially to my kids I don't plan on keeping that's why my son made me promise. He was so excited too when I said yes I promise like a little kid. I did tell my husband that I couldn't live with myself if my son dies and I know I had the power to help him.

Anyway, thanks for the support. I have only been coming to this site a few weeks and already I feel closer to you than even some of my family. You are all so sweet.

I told him I would buy him a subscription to medifast for Christmas which is similar to Jenny Craig except it;s even a bit more intense. But I did tell him he will have to get insurance in case he has complications and for the after care but he is waiting for a denial letter from an insurance company so he can get the state insurance. At least we do have that now.

Oh, I understand a bit more the blow up and perhaps you should have spoken to him first, but you had the best intentions and I hope your husband will see that soon.

That is good about the medifast, I hope it works, I don't understand the US system but insurance certainly seems a good idea. For me, I would pay everything I own for someone I love to have one more second on this earth, so I totally understand where you are coming from.

Does your son live with anyone? Or on his own? Are you close to him? I think with weight loss or any other change to your life, self control is so important and any support you can offer will be immensly useful.

I wish you and your son all the best for the future.

He's married and I live about an hour and a half away so I see him several times a year. He has lost about 50 pounds in six months on his own so maybe the incentive of knowing he can get the surgery if he succeeds will help. They won't even do the surgery until he gets to 500 pounds. The insurance sucks in the states but I guess that is one good thing Obama has done for us, a year ago he would have never been able to even get insurance because his weight is a preexisting condition.

I think what you are doing is great! I really hope that he is able to get his weight down and then keep it off. Just make sure that he doesn't start gaining weight again once he looses it. This is a lifestyle change and not just a diet. big Hugs!!

I am so with you and totally understand where you are coming from
my doctor suggest I use a slightly different approach to my weight loss

here is what she told me that could also be a great incentive to your son

she told me to pick a target (I suggest for now your son picks one 200 less than what he weights) find the bmr for that amount (plenty of calculators for that on the net) if a person of that rate did nothing at all all day but lay in bed they would need a certain amount of calories - again check on the net
the eat the calories for that body slowly your body (that needs more calories) will become the size of the body you are eating towards - every 50 - 100lbs he could recalculate
that way you dont even have to step on the scales more than once every month or two

its been quite a freeing way for me to work
my weight was
205 and I want to be 132 the bmr cals for me at highest would be
1598
the cals I need to be 132 is 1271 then of course as I get more mobile I will be using up more cals too

so for you son who you say is
650 at 32 he needs 4812 (I imagined him at 6ft tall) and that will keep him as he is right now without exercise
but at 200 less he needs 3566

doing it that way is not fast but he will get use to less food over time and as soon as he is he can recalculate
here is the calculator I used
http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/
and to record my calories I used
my fitness pal

hope this helps
I have been doing this for 10 weeks and I am now at 193 so a loss of 12lb or 1.2 a week

obviously the bigger you are the quicker it can happen

if he is not very mobile get him to look up seated exercise so he can being to move and burn a few extra calories
and the very very best of luck to him
H xx

That is a good promise. Sorry your husband blew up at you.

Thats a great promise ..... I have a sick son also and I am not able to help him and it makes me so sad as a mother that I can not FIX him .... Good luck to your son and prayers for him too

It is so hard to watch our kids suffer. It sounds like you made him a heartfelt promise, and it may be just the thing to inspire him to start his weight loss program. Do you have any idea why your hubby is so upset with your offer? Hope you guys can talk it out.

Best of luck to your family. Weight issues are hard, as it is both a physical and emotional problem. Hope he is able to turn things around for himself. Hugs.x

He has stuck to diets before and lost as much as 100 or even a bit more so I don't think it is impossible for him to lose the 150 he needs to lose to get the surgery, I do however think that without the surgery to give him a fresh start he will just gain it back and it gives him a goal that he only needs to lose 150 instead of 400 on his own.

Luckily my husband is the type to make his point and not keep going on about it constantly.

I am so sorry Dewymoon to hear you can't help your son, we need a more compassionate society than what we have. I can only afford this because of an inheritance so I do understand, two years ago I could never have even contemplated doing it and it did make me sad.