I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I know how that feels. It sucks when you're deep into a rut and you can't seem to find the way out. I sometimes don't tell my therapist exactly how I'm feeling because if I do I'm scared I'll be admitted to the hospital. Sometimes the negative feelings go away slowly but gradually other times it feels like they are choking the life out of me. I wonder about you're relationship with your therapist and why you didn't give her the note. Where you scared she would admit you? Or were you scared to admit just how bad you feel, basically having someone there to validate it to you? I will be sending positive energy to you, and hope you feel much better. I'm here for you.

I just admitted to myself how bad I feel, and how scared I am of myself. I know I think I should go back to iop again. I left a message on her voicemail, telling her that, but at the same time I started with, "I just wanted you to know.. then I paused and continued about iop. But I think I wanted to tell her, " I just wanted you to know that I appreciate the time and effort you've given me, and now I must leave (life), and that its not you're fault, and you've helped me so much, but my brain will not comply, no matter how much I want it to.

I am afraid to admit hoe bad i feel. especially to family. I put ona fake happy face so no one knows

trayanne, would you feel comfortable telling me the sentances that run through your head?
Another thing, do you have any religious or spritual beliefs?
I really, really want to try and help. The reason I ask these questions is that I replaced my inner self talk and it helped.
I really feel bad that you go through so much seemingly alone.

I am spiratula, I believe in God, but I dont really got to church or anything. What ran through my head?

"I am not good enough. I don't want to go on. I want to make everyone happy with me and dont want anyone mad at me. I miss my Mom and I dont think I can go on without her. Sometimes i just want to have a temper tantrum and yell and scream."

"I am not good enough. Tell me who's voice this really is.

I don't want to go on. If you have someone that is not you telling you are not good enough then who would have the energy to go on?

I want to make everyone happy with me and dont want anyone mad at me. Who in your childhood was the perfect example of conditional love? Trayanne I think this might be impossible. What about you makes you happy? Remove all the demands that you think others want you to meet and consider just you.

I miss my Mom and I dont think I can go on without her. It takes many years to get over the loss of someone you love. I know this for sure. Instead of saying that you can't go on, why not instead say that you will not be afraid to go when it is your time, because your mom is there waiting. She will expect you to go not a second earlier than you should and only as the universe dictates. You must honor her because she fought the good fight and did not leave any sooner than she should have.


Sometimes i just want to have a temper tantrum and yell and scream

thank u for your help. I dont know what to say right now, so tired. I will read it again in the mornig, just wanted to lt you know i was here and doing ok for now