Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am not commenting on any postings that are up I just think if you heard a little of my despair, that some of you will realize that it could be worse. The loss of my wife of 10 years has destroyed me. The pain that her immediate family caused before my wife died taking our son away from us destroyed both of us. I don't have to explain most of you have read my posts.
Ever day is a battle for me. Mourning till night. I don't really have that many good days, just days that are better than others. When I go out with my friends I can sometimes enjoy myself, But when I come home Holly isn't here to ask me if I had a good time. I don't think I will ever give my love to another person ever again because I am selfish with my heart. I don't want to be hurt again. Yes I still am going to share love with people but I am not going to invest in a intimate relationship again. It wouldn't be fair for the other person because I will never love anyone as much as Holly.
On top of all of this I have cared for my father and aunt for the past 5 or 6 years. One day soon I am going too lose them too. I hope that my son will be enough to keep me here when I lose them. If anything ever happens to my son. I wont post anything. I will just fade away and disappear. The people I have met here are good people and I will not burden them for I know they have many burdens. I just don't know about my future. I don't think that I can handle anymore death. I think that I may be institutionalized when another loved one leaves me here.
Ever day is a battle for me. Mourning till night. I don't really have that many good days, just days that are better than others. When I go out with my friends I can sometimes enjoy myself, But when I come home Holly isn't here to ask me if I had a good time. I don't think I will ever give my love to another person ever again because I am selfish with my heart. I don't want to be hurt again. Yes I still am going to share love with people but I am not going to invest in a intimate relationship again. It wouldn't be fair for the other person because I will never love anyone as much as Holly.
On top of all of this I have cared for my father and aunt for the past 5 or 6 years. One day soon I am going too lose them too. I hope that my son will be enough to keep me here when I lose them. If anything ever happens to my son. I wont post anything. I will just fade away and disappear. The people I have met here are good people and I will not burden them for I know they have many burdens. I just don't know about my future. I don't think that I can handle anymore death. I think that I may be institutionalized when another loved one leaves me here.
I'm sorry that you've lost the love of your life. I do know from reading your posts that your wife was your world and no one should ever have to lose that.
For all the people you've lost or could potentially lose just remember that it was a blessing to have had the time you did have with them. Letting go is never easy but it's better to have known them in your life then to have never known them. Nothing lasts forever but maybe you've experienced a love that was more intense than most people ever really find. Try to see it this way.
I don't expect that to make you feel better but you will be in my prayers.
I know you talk about never giving your love to another woman because your heart is selfish and you don't feel like you can ever love another woman as much as Holly. I understand that too. I, though, do hope that one day you will open up your heart to love again. I'm not saying any time soon, I'm just saying one day. I think it is what Holly would want. You need to take the time to grieve. I am glad you went to dinner with some of Holly's extended family. You need that support and I am glad they helped you. I hope you will reach out to them more and let them be there for you. You know I am always here for you.
Love you my precious friend.
(((((((( COMFORTING HUGS )))))))
LMT
The fact that I was really tired and I just had to post in my Journal, because I wanted people to know I had a good experience got the best of me. I started typing and it became to much to handle. I got what I wanted to post out but I was really hurting. Sleep deprivation is plays a big part in adding to my pain. I was not thinking rationally. I cant face my demons when I am just so tired. I should have waited till I got up to post in my Journal.
keep breathing no matter how painful and you will find the resilient you that always was there....