Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello all, I would like to share my journey through the worst depression of my life, worse than all you guys ever felt. I had hit rock bottom and was in complete despair 4 months ago, and now I feel better than ever. At the worst point in my depression, I had drunk half a bottle of rum, fell on the floor into an anxiety attack, and the neighbors had to call an ambulance and medics came to my house, gave me a tranquilizer injection in my butt cheek, and I was out cold for 8 hours.
This year I came to the realization that my marriage of 3 years had been an illusion, and almost everything had been a lie. I tried hundreds of times this year to make it work, to get over things, to be happy in my marriage, but to no avail. I kept reaching the same point which left me suicidal many times, screaming, having anxiety attacks, starving myself, and smoking hundreds of cigarettes. Last month I was forced to accept that my marriage was beyond repair, and the only chance to end my misery was to end my marriage.
My wife must live with me for economic reasons, so a separation was not a possibility, and I felt trapped. My first step towards recovery was the final decision to end it, even if I had to live with my wife. Then, I started sleeping on the couch and ceased all communication with her for 2 difficult weeks. I was miserable, but I knew it had to be done. I bought a book, "Getting Past Your Breakup", which helped immensely. I went, day by day, just focusing on the immediate present. I kept reminding myself, "just do this 1 thing, you can survive it, just finish it" as I did daily tasks like taking a shower, going for a walk, or eating lunch. "Just survive 1 more day" was in my head every day. "Just 1 more night." And yes, I survived. I persevered.
The days of this became weeks. After about 2 weeks I realized that I was still upset...but I was not nearly as bad as the weeks prior. I was depressed, but I saw improvement. I knew there was an end to the depression; I was going to be happy or die trying. I caught a glimpse of hope that I desperately needed. At this time I applied to some jobs, went to interviews, and in the end I found 2 jobs that I would like and now I have 2 jobs to occupy myself with.
This week I have felt better than ever in my entire life. I have been repeating mantras, "I am the best. I am healthy. I am attractive. I have everything I need. I am happy.. I am confident." After keeping these mantras going through my head everyday, I realize I am happy without anybody, I have the best gift of all..the ability to be happy with myself, without needing ANYBODY else to be happy or content. Now I am more confident than ever and happy, without depending on another person to feel awesome with myself.
For those who suffer depression, just remember, IT IS NOT PERMANENT! THERE IS AN END! I am convinced the meaning of life is simple. Endure...persevere...adapt. You can survive. You will survive. You can handle ANYTHING if you take it 1 moment at a time. 1 moment is easy, and eventually your moments will turn into hours, days, and weeks, then you will notice you are IMPROVING!
This year I came to the realization that my marriage of 3 years had been an illusion, and almost everything had been a lie. I tried hundreds of times this year to make it work, to get over things, to be happy in my marriage, but to no avail. I kept reaching the same point which left me suicidal many times, screaming, having anxiety attacks, starving myself, and smoking hundreds of cigarettes. Last month I was forced to accept that my marriage was beyond repair, and the only chance to end my misery was to end my marriage.
My wife must live with me for economic reasons, so a separation was not a possibility, and I felt trapped. My first step towards recovery was the final decision to end it, even if I had to live with my wife. Then, I started sleeping on the couch and ceased all communication with her for 2 difficult weeks. I was miserable, but I knew it had to be done. I bought a book, "Getting Past Your Breakup", which helped immensely. I went, day by day, just focusing on the immediate present. I kept reminding myself, "just do this 1 thing, you can survive it, just finish it" as I did daily tasks like taking a shower, going for a walk, or eating lunch. "Just survive 1 more day" was in my head every day. "Just 1 more night." And yes, I survived. I persevered.
The days of this became weeks. After about 2 weeks I realized that I was still upset...but I was not nearly as bad as the weeks prior. I was depressed, but I saw improvement. I knew there was an end to the depression; I was going to be happy or die trying. I caught a glimpse of hope that I desperately needed. At this time I applied to some jobs, went to interviews, and in the end I found 2 jobs that I would like and now I have 2 jobs to occupy myself with.
This week I have felt better than ever in my entire life. I have been repeating mantras, "I am the best. I am healthy. I am attractive. I have everything I need. I am happy.. I am confident." After keeping these mantras going through my head everyday, I realize I am happy without anybody, I have the best gift of all..the ability to be happy with myself, without needing ANYBODY else to be happy or content. Now I am more confident than ever and happy, without depending on another person to feel awesome with myself.
For those who suffer depression, just remember, IT IS NOT PERMANENT! THERE IS AN END! I am convinced the meaning of life is simple. Endure...persevere...adapt. You can survive. You will survive. You can handle ANYTHING if you take it 1 moment at a time. 1 moment is easy, and eventually your moments will turn into hours, days, and weeks, then you will notice you are IMPROVING!
'worse depression than any of you have ever suffered.'
i do however understand where you were, because I was there myself too, after 17 years of hell marriage on top of incest on top of child abuse ie all my life... and when I crashed, I totally crashed.
A year of constant all day suicide iterations. Another couple of years of just most of the time iterations. Finding out the people in my life who acted all knowing knew nothing. Finding a husband who when asked to get me counselling because I was going mad, couldn't be arsed. finding out that nobody actually gave the tiniest shit, after an entire life serving them all, whether I lived or died. Realising that they'd all stand there at my funeral saying 'oh gosh. I didn't realise she was down.' and my c**t of a now ex husband pretending it was all a big surprise while he laughed all the way to the bank (my life insurance, darling.)
I remember after we broke up I really came unstuck, because I had no tether. I felt like a helium balloon floating... nothing grounding it. I remember time warping. Hours could be minutes, seconds could be days. Time was bizarre. I was unable to feed the chickens. I was unable to do chores. I went through a complete nervous breakdown without a soul giving a shit, my daughter having to cook her own dinner which she did without complaint, and it took me over three years to read a book or watch television ever again. My daughter deserves a medal.
I'm really glad you've got through this. It's wonderful you were able to get back on top. You will be able to help - or at the very least identify when others are in trouble.
don't tell them that you had it worse though. :D Depression sufferers are unpredictable. They might clock you one!
all the best. :)