Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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OneDayFearless 09/09/2017

My boyfriend of some time now broke things off with me on Monday. Needless to say it is still very fresh and there are countless emotions. His depression grew very severe over the past month or two. But I was always there regardless. I tried to do everything that I could to support him and care for him in every way I knew how. Last month he decided to go home (out of state) to visit his family. The weekend stay turned into a week then to a month when his family offered for him to see a therapist there. As hard as it was not having him near me I always supported him. Because at the end of the day I knew it wasn't about me. It was about what was best for him.

He was barely speaking to me and I could see that even just a phone call was a lot for him to physically handle. But I stayed. Even though he was not able to give me much, I stayed because I'm not here because of what he can give me, but because I love and care about him.

Fast forward to Monday he text me out of nowhere and just let me know he couldn't do it. That he felt like he was holding me back from being happy with someone else. That I deserved better. That he didn't feel like he could ever make me happy again or be the person he was before his depression hit. That I had been amazing and supportive but I shouldn't have to wait for him or deal with his depression any longer.

I was shocked. Taken back. Hurt. Angry. Upset. Just...a plethora of emotions all at once. But despite all of this I summoned the strength to just let him go, and not stand in his way...

I gave it a couple of days just to process and regain my balance a bit. I sent him a message letting him know that despite that label not being there anymore I still cared about him and would do everything that I could to make sure that he was okay. That I loved him - and not just him on the good days, but him as a whole. That him being able to 'provide' is not a requirement for my love and care. And so on... Tried for it not to sound so 'relationship-like' if that makes sense.

I'm not expecting for him to respond, at least not right away. I'm sure he is going through a lot of emotions just as I am. And I'm also sure my message may have been a lot to process. I really just wanted to remind him that I still care.

It goes without saying that this has been a very hard week for me. This is the longest I have gone without speaking to him. And it's very heart-breaking... I just wish I could know that he was okay. It is very hard to lose him...and I know it will hurt for a very long time. It's hard for things to end so abruptly when they are all that you wanted and saw a future with this person.

Ghostdancer 09/09/2017

You have done amazingly well given all you've faced and continue to face. The cards are in the table so to speak, you've dealt him a winning hand so to speak but it's up to him to call, check or raise now. You're tough and can get tougher if need be but don't become an injured caregiver, no one wins that hand. One thing though if Daily Strength is a help for you maybe eventually it may do the same for him. Blessings for all players at your table, and LUCK!!

WanderingVet 09/09/2017

You have stated yourself very clearly to him. Now, you must accept the outcome. If he 'can't do it', accept it and find someone who can. Depression is DESTRUCTIVE. Don't be too surprised with its destruction.

Learn from this experience. No one can fix another's depression.

gustokitty 09/09/2017

I'm so sorry you and him are going through this. I imagine it's very hard to let go, especially since no one is saying the relationship itself went bad.

OneDayFearless 09/09/2017

@gustokitty

That is hard. Knowing you did all that you could and feeling like the depression essentially robbed you of your relationship.

orion777 09/10/2017

Really sorry, that has got to be tough.

KelleyPaterson 09/10/2017

It sounds like you have handled everything very well. Good for you for taking the high road. Hopefully he will be able to get the help he needs. It's very hard to be in a relationship and focus on getting help for yourself at the same time.

Heidiclark 09/10/2017

These kinds of situations are difficult to understand. And we have had other posts here a lot like yours although I am often at a loss for words since the break up seems to not make much sense in my opinion. You would think that if a person is depressed enough they would hold on to all the support they can get. And you have obviously been wonderful throughout all of this. All I can say from my end is that being the person with the severe depression I know what it's like to feel plagued with bad feelings about how I am affecting others.

OneDayFearless 09/10/2017

@Heidiclark
You're right, it has been so difficult to understand. I knew I couldn't stand in his way when he got to this point where he could no longer be in the relationship. It wasn't easy. It's not what I wanted, oh God it wasn't... But I love him and his happiness too much to do anything that could interfere with his process. I keep hoping for him to reach out, hoping for a sign, just something....anything that would let me know that he will come back around. Maybe someday. I miss him and our life together. Trying to also just remind myself that somewhere deep down he still loves me. It's a very hard concept to wrap my head around. For now I decided to just go ahead and take some time off from work and visit from friends out of town. Trying to keep myself healthy. And as happy as I can be in this moment. Yet I still remain hopeful.

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