Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm miserable.. my mom passed away in 98 when I was 6.. her 59th birthday would have been on the 29th, and it breaks my heart I haven't been able to get myself over to the cemetery in over almost 2 years.. my fibromyalgia really holds me back from the hour drive.. sometimes it hits me so hard that she's gone.. even 14 years later. Growing up, I was abused by my first stepmom and abandoned at 18 by my second, as well as my father. With my physical issues worsening, I've been leaning more towards my husband for love and support.. which he gives little to none. Sometimes I feel like he's fed up with my BS and doesn't want me anymore. All I want is love.. I don't know why its so hard, especially when I give so much, and he sees me cry for it. I know this sounds like a huge rant session, but I was wondering if anyone else has a similar problem so I don't feel so alone :(
Although I haven't been in the same exact spot that you are, I can certainly identify and sympathize with your struggles. Also... I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mother. It is absolutely normal to live a lifetime grieving for someone so close. This is healthy and can ( as you know) be dealt with in ways that allow her to always be close to your heart in a positive way. The way that we grieve is what is indeed difficult to conquer at times... but it can be done. I also lost my Mother ( and Father). It's a sadness that might never completely heal, but that grief is certainly manageable with the right means of support.
Regarding your relationship with your husband- First and foremost... COMMUNICATION is the key to any relationship. Feelings of doubt in your partner can quickly erode your own self-confidence as well as allowing resentment/ animosity to develop. No matter any circumstances... that communication must be respected by both partners, if there is ever to be resolve or healthy acceptance of emotional, physical, mental issues.
Your feelings are always justified.. regarding your health, the loss of your mother, etc. These concerns must be addressed... even if that exposes some painful or uncomfortable feelings.
I would advise that you continue posting here on DS as there are so many helpful and friendly people here... you will I believe in time, find some piece of mind and/ or comfort by opening up here.
But you must also begin to come to terms with the reality of your situation and you must find a way to communicate these feelings to your husband. Many means exist to open these lines of communication including therapy and counseling or simply by demanding that your voice is heard ( writing/ venting on paper can do wonders to say those things that are sometimes so difficult to address face to face).
You don't deserve to carry all of this weight on your shoulders. No one deserves to live like that, and issues that are continually swept under the rug will never allow any relationship to ever be truly strong or healthy. Subsequently, it will likely never provide the solace that you are seeking. With communication, compassion, understanding, the willingness to listen, etc... you both can begin to work towards a healthy future... be that separate or together.
Best of luck to you and I indeed hope that you are able to begin healing from these very unfortunate situations.
One is to try to "develop" the means to be able to sustain your own mental, emotional, and physical health amidst an incredible amount of adversity..
Or two... try to understand how valuable your life really is, and how truly incredible your future can be. I feel strongly that despite any conditions that you are facing... that you are simply far too young, intelligent, and decent, to simply settle for such a one-sided and empty relationship ( especially in the fact that you are deserving of so much more compassion than what he is currently ( possibly ever) is seemingly able or willing to provide.
This may not be as dire as I've suggested... along with concentrating more on your OWN therapy, support, etc... you can make great strides, but it will I believe be forever very difficult for you to ever really begin to heal and be happy, secure, etc....if you remain in such a disconnected situation.
JMO... I sincerely hope that I haven't offended you in any way. That certainly would never be my intent. I simply hope that you find some piece of mind with all that you are dealing with.
I am sorry that their are people that take on the roll of taking care of someone's child and then abuses them. I am sorry your Mom died at such an early age for you. Don't worry, Karma will kick stepmoms ass one day. Good luck to you, I am sorry you are in such pain.
I am sorry that you have been through so much, and that your husband is giving you no support. If he is unwilling to try and unwilling to implement the things that the therapist suggested maybe you need to think about whether you need some space to allow yourself some healing.
I hope that you find support here on DS
xx