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Matt is on my mind today and i'm not ok...

RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
sitting here and i hear that song- "It must have been love " by roxette - made me think of matt- the last time i heard that song- was when we were breaking up- i stroked his hair and said i love you- and cried through the whole song- and then he just looked at me with tears in his eyes and said i'm sorry i can't love u the way u love me and do u want a cig- it helps with the stress.. Men ! i will never understand them ! and now i can't write anyone a message to ask for advice so gotta use this til my account works again ! the tears are flowing and i feel like i'm going under again- help me ! does anyone else feel this way or am i all alone out there ! he was my everything and i know its wrong to still love him- but i do ! why do i love him so- i'll never know i guess= but i hurt so bad right now - wish someone or something could make this pain go away !
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm sorry you're hurting hun.
(((hugs)))
xoxoxo
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
thanks- i hate that he did this to me and now i can't stop spiraling down this dark emotional road - i feel like i'm dizzy and just floating and nothing makes sense ! i'm a horrible person though - so maybe i deserve this...
deleted_user
deleted_user
i almost got into a similar situation as yours, but i never ended up meeting the guy - we just talked online.

you need to remember that this is just you emotionally involved and he's just a cheating bastard.

i know i spoke shortly with a married man, because i needed emotional attention and i felt poorly about myself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've felt that way before. The thing is, if he came back and tried to be in your life again, you'd start resenting him. Telling you that he doesn't love you the same as you love him leaves a scar that is hard to repair. When something leaves you don't want to leave, you feel that you'd do anything to have it back. But if it comes back, you realize that you no longer trust this person. I know I'm not helping a lot. It's just human nature to hurt, I think. That's what I'm trying to say. But also that if he didn't feel the same, it wasn't a good relationship. Happiness is the best revenge, so I wish this for you in large heaping mountain sized amounts.!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mega Hugz for you. TIME is the only answer and it is an ugly word.
More hugz
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
thanks ya'll- i feel alittle better now that i've written this and my journal entry for the day- but misery is my life and i don't see it ever getting better and what am i gonna do if i'm pregnant by this man- i'm already a week late ! i'm going insane here!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh wow! That does change things.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah, I would be worried, too, rock. I will pray for you!!!
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
yeah and to make it worse- she told me - she would resent my child and be mean to it- and so i'm thinking do i tell him or do i not - and omg i'm just so sad and i feel like a horrible person- i did not make a good choice in my life and this is all on me u know....
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
I MISS HIM SO MUCH !!!! MY BIGGEST FAULT IS THAT I'M NOT KAREN AND I DON'T HAVE ANY BAD FEELINGS FOR HER AT ALL- I JUST ENVY HER- SHE HOLDS HIS HEART IN THE PALM OF HER HAND AND HOW SHE DID THAT I WISH I KNEW.....I REALLY DID LOVE THAT MAN- EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T LOVE ME- AND THAT SONG- "MISSING YOU"- THAT'S ME RIGHT NOW...
deleted_user
deleted_user
whenever i've done something wrong, i try to remember that i am only human and i confess my sins to my Lord. i don't know what you believe in, but even if you don't, it helps to try and release those feelings - to acknowledge that you have done wrong, but that you've learned from it - and maybe in a horrible way (the pregnancy).

you have to put a positive light on this - if you are pregnant, yeah, some people are going to resent you. that is what people do when they see someone else doing wrong - they cast stones!

try not to feel so badly about yourself - you are trying to learn just like the rest of us - remember that some of us humans will NOT put you down, but are willing to help you through this.
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
yeah i do believe in God and i've prayed about this- i'm not sad if i am pregnant then i look at it as my gift from god cause there are people out there who can't have children- and i've decided if i am- i'm keeping the baby and i'm gonna raise this child and put him/ her first in my life and everything i do- i'm just so mad at myself and at the same time sad that- he doesn't care and i know if i tell him i'm pregnant he will try to weasle his way back in- so i'm very conflicted on what to do about that... i don't want the child to not have a dad around- i never had mine around- but i don't want him to hurt this child- hopefully i won't be and i won't have to worry anymore about this part of it- but this is my view of it as of now...
deleted_user
deleted_user
yeah, i wish i had the answers, but i think that you do have to tell him, no matter what the consequences are. try to keep it all about the baby, and that will help you find your way i think.

it's hard dealing with men, and i wish i had all of the answers, but i don't.

try to relax for now and maybe go get a pregnancy test or just put off the worrying until you find out if you even are pregnant. easier said than done, i know.

::hugs::
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
thats what i plan on - he lost his chances with me for good- i am starting to realize that sometimes its just better to be alone .... than with someone u know... i'm afraid they will kidnap the baby- she offered to pay me one of the times if i would have a baby for them and i said No way ! they even wanted me to live with them- i think that whole situation is sick ! and i don't want a child around that and those kind of people- thats why i think i shouldnt tell him....