i know the pain that comes from trying to live someone else's idea of who I am supposed to be. I can only be who I am, and that is not something someone else can dictate to me.

Al-Anon taught me to take the focus off of others, and put it on myself. It seems you know that we are to love one another. But the command never said anything about "liking". I love a lot of people I do not yet like very much. I am not such a jewel, myself. But I understand the pain of having to watch someone I love destroy themselves with some kind of obsessive people pleasing.

If the man cannot dispossess his mother of her grip on his family, there is little you can do. Your daughter is 14 years into learning the bitter lesson that she must be herself; that mother-in-law will never be pleased. Love them. Pray. Then, detach and stand away.

I wish I had better for you, but that is all I have. Peace be upon you.

oh wow, do I ever know what you are talking about!!!! My dad hated my ex husband, but never told me until after I left him. He was stubborn, controlling, opinionated, and controlled every cent I made. I had to ask him for money, and tell him what I wanted it for, and if he didn't think I needed it, I didn't get it.

I found myself getting quieter and quieter all the time, holding back my emotions until I just couldn't hold it in anymore and then we'd end up in a huge fight. Even when I was first diagnosed with depression, I was told to take two weeks off work, he took two weeks off to do my job for me as I worked in childcare out of the house, and then left me with all 6 kids and took off doing what he wanted. Air conditioning in the car?? Not allowed to use it, no matter how hot it was.

A month ago I was at my dads with my boyfriend, and him and my dad were talking, and that is when I found out how much he hated my ex husband, and looked my boyfriend in the eye and said how much he liked him, and the way he treats me.

I hope one day your daughter wakes up and realizes what this man is doing to her emotionally and mentally, and spiritually. For me it's been 5 years and I'm still struggling with my self esteem and self confidence. Be there to support her, sit her down and try to explain to her how you miss spending time with her.

Good luck, let us know how it goes

You have both taken time to respond to me and you will never know how much it means to me. I feel so alone in this pain. I wish that I could just go away and never come back. I tried to talk to my grandson today and no response so even though I know that my dd is not the type to be vengeful like this. I wish I could do what everyone is telling me and call her and say "I love you lets not fight" but I am afraid the unspoken words will come out that I've been trying to keep to myself and it will make things worse. OR (If you understand this please let me know) I am afraid that she will say OK and I will still harbor all of this anger at what she did to me. I have prayed and prayed for an answer and will continue. Thank you for your comments.

You can't change others...only your reaction to them. My inlaws still after almost 12 years married and 14 years together think I am the sole reason we don't have children. They have been told I could have died if I got pregnant and their response is well Jason is the last man in the family to carry the family name...shouldn't that be taken into account??? Um no because I DID NOT EVEN WANT KIDS and neither did my husband. So you can only do so much and make your relationships the best they can be and be more mindful of how we act and react...hugs.