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marriage issues

x.sapphire.x
x.sapphire.x

So my wife has been getting annoyed with me recently and it's been really hard to get a equal balance. For years it's really just been the two of us and not many friends, we would rather spend a Friday night in with a movie and dinner rather than going out clubbing. But I've made some friends at work and now they are inviting me out in the evening and messaging me after work and it's doing her head in because I don't give her enough attention. At the same time I'm thinking, I want my own friends that aren't anything to do with her, and I  want to be giving her the attention she wants. 


What also is making this difficult is one of these friends has gone through a really bad breakup and wants me to help and talk to her about it. 


I know that I should really have my loyalty to my wife first but she has it all the time, I'm sick of living in her pocket and sometimes I need a break from her. 



S x

Ingi
Ingi
Im bot a pschologist but social skills are VERY important. My husband doesnt really have friends and I feel its selfish of him to expect me to fulfill that side of him. Its draining. I dont feel once or twice a week going out with your friends is wrong. I see it as healthy. The IDEAL would be if your wife made friends with say one of your friends wives. But you need to listen to your inner voice. One should ideally be balanced physically ,emotionally, spiritually, socially , finantially etc. So if a socail need is important to you and as long as you dont go overboard. I say it is healthy.
TooMuch
TooMuch
Would she not want to go with you out on the town? You are of course entitled to your own social life independent of her, but she needs to have something too or there is just going to be a hole. If she isn't interested in going out with you and your friends maybe help her to find her own thing to do or social group to hang out with.
Minidogs2
Minidogs2
You answered your own question. "I should really have my loyalty to my wife first. "Definitely do not get into talking to some woman about her relationship problems. That is never a good idea when you're married. It would be good to have some friends that you share to spend time with. A good marriage involves sacrificing for each other. I was married to my first wife for 18 years and had a good marriage. She would rather spend time with me than with female friends except for her family so that's what we did. Sadly she died from brain cancer, but I have no regrets about keeping her as my first priority.
Gladdmatt
Gladdmatt
It sounds to me like you and your wife would benefit from marriage counseling. As you yourself say, it's hard to find the right balance, and talking things over with a professional can help. I also have to say that your wife probably sees a difference between, say, you going with the gang after work for a beer, and another woman who wants to rely on you during her own crisis. Also, is it possible for your wife to come along sometimes when you hang out with the gang after work? These are just some of the things you hoepfully can iron out with a therapist. I'll pray for you and your wife.
simplymebp
simplymebp
Okay this is so similar to my relationship with my husband. I talk to him about it and I make boundaries. I tell him that I am sorry that he has insecurities but I have friends and I love him and I make specific time with him so he does get attention but I also have other people in my life. The issue could be that she doesn't have friends and you are the only thing she can focus on. So maybe invite her to go with you guys some time. And see if she can have a good time while you hang out all together.
x.sapphire.x
x.sapphire.x
what has been making it hard is that my wife and one of my friends hate each other and there is nothing i can do about it, and she is the friend who has been through the break up and i feel needs me.