Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am a burden to everyone I meet or date.
I lost my job in February. I'm a 27 year old decent looking girl. I do my best to make people happy and make them laugh. Everyone calls me funny and I was voted most outgoing in high school- I'm not trying to sound ridiculous, but it's what I'm told. Somehow the people who know me best know that I've idealized suicide many times and I fall into deep holes that I can't get myself out of. Everything seems to be going wrong. I do not have friends where I live, and it's very complicated. I lost them as friends. My boyfriend is several states away and he's very stale, authoritative, and cold in regards to my depression. Every time I try to talk to him about it he calls me a victim and gets mad I'm laying it on him. I just ask him for better communication so we can talk. I go days without leaving my apartment or talking to anybody because I don't have anything to do. Depression has gotten the worst of me. I have a broken foot as well, and I can't even run, which is what I loved to do. Some of you who have read my previous posts in Healthy Relationships know a bit about my past these recent months. It's been hard but it hasn't improved. Everything has taken a downturn in my life, I can't say it's ever gotten better...ever. It makes me think if it will ever get better? I don't know. I can't understand how toxic people repeat themselves in my life, regardless of if I'm dating them or they're my friends. I have one best friend who understands me and loves me regardless of that. She lives in a different state. I can't motivate myself to get a new job because I feel so exhausted and depleted in life. I don't even have health care right now. I look to you all for support and thoughts. At 27 I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't lay in bed all day crying about my boyfriend who won't listen to me. I do as much as I can for him and am as open as possible. I could break under the weight of the world right now. I have lost and lost and lost, heaven forbid anyone notices they lose me. I am crushed, depleted, lacking ambition, nauseated by my lack of anything worth loving, and above all, losing hope. I just need someone to respond or listen. Things just keep getting worse and worse. Am I supposed to robotically go through life trying to gather the strength to be baseline normal like everybody? It's so exhausting trying to do that. I've hit a point that I can't. Getting dressed and going to get coffee downstairs is exhausting. It feels like I ran a marathon, yet I struggle with severe insomnia. I don't sleep at night right now, but at times, I've slept for days and days when I've been depressed. I wish it was something like that. At least I could sleep the days away. I used to take Xanax every night to numb myself into the next day but I ran out. Everything is a battle, including my relationship. Anxiety is through the roof, and I've got not a single friend here. Reaching out to them is not an option. These people have been toxic and depleting towards me. I know my boyfriend is too, but I have no strength to lose him. If I lose one more person, I won't have anyone here who needs me. I want my life back. I want to sleep and move and feel things and be active. I don't know what to do.
Come over for a play date with her dog and then I don't feel
So guilty. I don't have an appetite, want to return to bed all day long but can't sleep as my mind runs rapidly about all negative thoughts. I don't know if you feel this
way or not. How does this all feel to you?
By the time all the damage was done in my life as result of the sever depression I had gone through, I also remember that I didn't want to live anymore (many times actually). And a loving God was the LAST thing I believed in..but lo and behold, I'll share with you that what got me through that hell-on-earth time of my life was being dragged (sometimes literally) to a bible study by my mom. I think that it had something to do with it being a routine I could follow every week, and being a part of somewhere that - if you find the right small group - encouraged grace and understanding and openness. Not to mention, this particular one was filled with a bunch of elderly and older women and men lol you better believe that an older crowd knows pain and suffering! But being around a group of them that were suffering, too, in their own ways, but pushing through it regardless was a really encouraging thing for me to see at that time. It was hope. And it was hope for me because I saw that they so genuinely wanted that for me, too.
If you are not a Christian, I understand that this task sounds really daunting and unnecessary. But at your point, anything is worth a shot, right? If you could stay open-minded enough to look up a church around your area that seems legit in what they teach, you can always call their main number and ask to speak to someone about small groups. Or you can even do our own research to find their fb group and start there? All of the small groups that I've started attending since that time have had Facebook groups that all the members that are on there are a part of.
Support groups is another option. the thing with that is that potentially EVERYONE there, with the exeption being the moderator, will be struggling through the same thing. Which can be encouraging but can also be discouraging and a constant reminder of your situation. But it could be a good place to start, also. Who knows. Maybe you'll even meet someone there who is a part of a small group already that could bring you/keep you accountable for going every week.
I hope that at least something that I've written will help you out. I know that you may feel like all that requires so much energy. I would suggest that the next time you get even the smallest wave of motivation to do something, do this. Search for a small group to get connected with (from a GOOD church) and/or search for a support group around. At least you'll know where and when your options are when you find that you need them.
You can do this...you've already managed to post on here! I'm proud of you. :)
You seem like you have a few things going for you but you struggle with the separation of a very happy positive self (most outgoing), and then who you are in private. No one has the energy to keep up the happy-go-lucky act forever. I would focus my energy away from what others think of you and focus on personal growth. Real growth. I would chip away at big goals every day, little by little. Results don't come overnight but they come. And they are more rewarding. I agree with others on here too that having a community is important. I find mine at crossfit right now, but have considered church. You don't have to find one overnight, but it's good to find good people to surround yourself with. You are strong for coming to this group and you will pull out of this.
There is a brand new machine curing depression called FISHER WALLACE.
What type of work do you do?? I'm trying to think of ways that we can get out of this rut...do you live in the states??